Responsibility in Boundaries

Introduction

• Everyone has boundaries
  • There are certain things you would not be okay with someone doing to you (e.g. hitting you) or saying to you
  • There are certain things you are not willing to do with someone
  • These are boundaries
• We have to know how to:
  • Set Boundaries
  • Maintain Boundaries
  • Enforce Boundaries

Activity: Circle of Trust

• Describe the concept of concentric circles
• Fill out the Circles of Trust
  
  • https://www.dropbox.com/s/jwdbb1al529o08o/Circles%20of%20Trust.pdf?dl=0 
• We have to be able to differentiate between these groups and where every single person fits
• Then we have to know which Boundaries to set
• This decision is influenced by:
  • The Scripture (e.g. the Books of Wisdom, Proverbs, and Sirach)
  • Our Orthodox Faith
  • Lived experience
  • Guidance from parents, servants, priest
• Within each of these circles of trust, there are even subcategories and different boundaries with different people
  • I cannot have the same boundaries with my male friends as with my female friends
  • I cannot have the same boundaries with my brother as with my sister

Boundaries with Friends

• There is a difference between how I act, talk, etc. with my male friends than with my female friends
  
  
• Boundaries in Touch
  • It is okay to play rough with your male friends
  • It is not okay to play rough with a female friend
  • It is okay to greet your male friend when you see him with a "pound hug" (dap + embrace)
  • A playful touch with a male friend is okay... with a female friend is not okay
  • It is not okay to greet your female friend with a hug
  • Your anatomy is different from her anatomy
  • There are parts of your body that are only available to the center circle - to yourself
  • The same goes for your friends' bodies
    
    
• Boundaries in Speech and Messaging
  • It is not okay to talk about puberty or sex with a female friend
  • It is not okay to comment on a girl's looks or her body - positively or negatively
  • It is not okay to comment on a girl's clothing or makeup - positively or negatively
  • It is not okay to use sexual language or discuss sexual acts with anyone - male or female
  • It's not okay to "ship" people
    
    
• Boundaries in Time
  • It is not okay to be one-on-one with a girl at any time
  • It is okay to go out with a group of your male and female friends (with parental approval)
  • It's not okay to text a girl one-on-one for long periods of time, or after certain times of day (e.g. 9pm)
  • It's not okay to have group chats without a specific purpose that contain both males and females

Setting, Maintaining, Enforcing Boundaries

• Boundaries define us. They define what is me and what is not me. A boundary shows me where I end and someone else begins, leading me to a sense of ownership. Boundaries help us keep the good in and the bad out. Setting boundaries inevitably involves taking responsibility for your choices.
  
  
• Remove yourself from situations that cross the line
  
  
• Address Conflicts head-on with kindness
• • If someone tries to get you to cross a boundary, address it
  • Just say no
• Reporting to an adult