# Responsibility in Boundaries

#### Introduction

- Everyone has boundaries 
    - There are certain things you would not be okay with someone doing to you (e.g. hitting you) or saying to you
    - There are certain things you are not willing to do with someone
    - These are boundaries
- We have to know how to: 
    - Set Boundaries
    - Maintain Boundaries
    - Enforce Boundaries

#### Activity: Circle of Trust

- Describe the concept of concentric circles
- Fill out the Circles of Trust  
    
    - [https://www.dropbox.com/s/jwdbb1al529o08o/Circles%20of%20Trust.pdf?dl=0](https://www.dropbox.com/s/jwdbb1al529o08o/Circles%20of%20Trust.pdf?dl=0)
- We have to be able to differentiate between these groups and where every single person fits
- Then we have to know which Boundaries to set
- This decision is influenced by: 
    - The Scripture (e.g. the Books of Wisdom, Proverbs, and Sirach)
    - Our Orthodox Faith
    - Lived experience
    - Guidance from parents, servants, priest
- Within each of these circles of trust, there are even subcategories and different boundaries with different people 
    - I cannot have the same boundaries with my male friends as with my female friends
    - I cannot have the same boundaries with my brother as with my sister

#### Boundaries with Friends

- There is a difference between how I act, talk, etc. with my male friends than with my female friends
- Boundaries in Touch 
    - It is okay to play rough with your male friends
    - It is **not** okay to play rough with a female friend
    - It is okay to greet your male friend when you see him with a "pound hug" (dap + embrace)
    - A playful touch with a male friend is okay... with a female friend is not okay
    - It is not okay to greet your female friend with a hug
    - Your anatomy is different from her anatomy
    - There are parts of your body that are only available to the center circle - to yourself
    - The same goes for your friends' bodies
- Boundaries in Speech and Messaging 
    - It is not okay to talk about puberty or sex with a female friend
    - It is not okay to comment on a girl's looks or her body - positively or negatively
    - It is not okay to comment on a girl's clothing or makeup - positively or negatively
    - It is not okay to use sexual language or discuss sexual acts with anyone - male or female
    - It's not okay to "ship" people
- Boundaries in Time 
    - It is not okay to be one-on-one with a girl at any time
    - It is okay to go out with a group of your male and female friends (with parental approval)
    - It's not okay to text a girl one-on-one for long periods of time, or after certain times of day (e.g. 9pm)
    - It's not okay to have group chats without a specific purpose that contain both males and females

#### Setting, Maintaining, Enforcing Boundaries

- Boundaries define us. They define what is me and what is not me. A boundary shows me where I end and someone else begins, leading me to a sense of ownership. Boundaries help us keep the good in and the bad out. Setting boundaries inevitably involves taking responsibility for your choices.
- Remove yourself from situations that cross the line
- Address Conflicts head-on with kindness
- - If someone tries to get you to cross a boundary, address it
    - Just say no
- Reporting to an adult