# Youth & Adults # Youth Meeting # 2022-10-04: Dealing with Burnout (OCCM) #### Visual Aid [https://www.dropbox.com/s/1dd74ty6rcbm8vg/Dealing%20with%20Burnout.pptx?dl=0](https://www.dropbox.com/s/1dd74ty6rcbm8vg/Dealing%20with%20Burnout.pptx?dl=0) #### Introduction I’m very happy to be joining you here today at OCCM and here at UCF – I graduated from UCF in 2013 and I haven’t actually been back on Campus since then. And we didn’t have OCCM back then, we had OCF (Orthodox Christian Fellowship). OCF at UCF – not sure if that is still around or not. The topic that we have for you today is one that most college students struggle with these days. Dealing with Burnout. Raise your hand here if you’ve experienced burnout before… yeah, let me tell you – it doesn’t get easier. But today, God willing, we’ll talk through some of the causes of Burnout and some exercises to help deal with burnout. ##### Exodus 18 - Burnout is Not Good Let's start by opening the Scripture and reading together from Exodus 18. At this point in the story of the Exodus, Moses has taken the Israelites - the people of God - out of Egypt and they’ve crossed the Red Sea and God is sending them manna from heaven and God gave them water from a rock. God has been doing wonders in their sight. And now we'll read about Jethro - Moses' father in law - coming to visit Moses and the Israelites from his own land. > ⁷So Moses went out to meet his father-in-law, bowed down, and kissed him. And they asked each other about *their* well-being, and they went into the tent. ⁸And Moses told his father-in-law all that the Lord had done to Pharaoh and to the Egyptians for Israel’s sake, all the hardship that had come upon them on the way, and *how* the Lord had delivered them. ⁹Then Jethro rejoiced for all the good which the Lord had done for Israel, whom He had delivered out of the hand of the Egyptians. ¹⁰And Jethro said, “Blessed *be* the Lord, who has delivered you out of the hand of the Egyptians and out of the hand of Pharaoh, *and* who has delivered the people from under the hand of the Egyptians. ¹¹Now I know that the Lord *is* greater than all the gods; for in the very thing in which they behaved proudly, *He was* above them.” ¹²Then Jethro, Moses’ father-in-law, took a burnt offering and *other* sacrifices *to offer* to God. And Aaron came with all the elders of Israel to eat bread with Moses’ father-in-law before God. > > ¹³And so it was, on the next day, that Moses sat to judge the people; and the people stood before Moses from morning until evening. ¹⁴So when Moses’ father-in-law saw all that he did for the people, he said, “What *is* this thing that you are doing for the people? Why do you alone sit, and all the people stand before you from morning until evening?” > > ¹⁵And Moses said to his father-in-law, “Because the people come to me to inquire of God. ¹⁶When they have a difficulty, they come to me, and I judge between one and another; and I make known the statutes of God and His laws.” > > ¹⁷So Moses’ father-in-law said to him, “The thing that you do *is* not good. ¹⁸Both you and these people who *are* with you will surely wear yourselves out. For this thing *is* too much for you; you are not able to perform it by yourself. ¹⁹Listen now to my voice; I will give you counsel, and God will be with you: Stand before God for the people, so that you may bring the difficulties to God. ²⁰And you shall teach them the statutes and the laws, and show them the way in which they must walk and the work they must do. ²¹Moreover you shall select from all the people able men, such as fear God, men of truth, hating covetousness; and place *such* over them *to be* rulers of thousands, rulers of hundreds, rulers of fifties, and rulers of tens. ²²And let them judge the people at all times. Then it will be *that* every great matter they shall bring to you, but every small matter they themselves shall judge. So it will be easier for you, for they will bear *the burden* with you. ²³If you do this thing, and God *so* commands you, then you will be able to endure, and all this people will also go to their place in peace.” > > ²⁴So Moses heeded the voice of his father-in-law and did all that he had said. ²⁵And Moses chose able men out of all Israel, and made them heads over the people: rulers of thousands, rulers of hundreds, rulers of fifties, and rulers of tens. ²⁶So they judged the people at all times; the hard cases they brought to Moses, but they judged every small case themselves. > > ²⁷Then Moses let his father-in-law depart, and he went his way to his own land. So in this chapter we see that Jethro, Moses' father in law, came and spent time with Moses. Moses told him all the things God did with them. Then Jethro offered a burnt offering to God. Then he kind of just observed Moses. He saw that Moses stood "from morning to evening" listening to the people's problems and judging between them. So Moses basically had a never-ending todo list. Do you know how many Israelites walked out of Egypt with Moses? It's estimated 2.4 million. Moses is standing from morning to evening with the people lined up. It would be impossible to ever finish. And it's not like he's doing things that are pointless or of no value. They're important! He's helping people. He's serving God. He's being a leader. How many of us have a todo list of things that never seems to get shorter? As you get older it only gets longer. I remember my to-do lists... - When I was in College, I had my schoolwork, my Sunday School Service, my deacons service. I kept telling myself “wow I can’t wait until I graduate, I’m gonna have so much more time” - And then I graduated and I started working… and work takes way more time than school ever did… and the service kept increasing, and I started to serve in the Asaph Hymns Institute - And a year later I started grad school - Then I bought a house, got married, had kids - The list NEVER gets smaller. I remember when I was doing grad school and I told my wife the same thing I said in College "I can't wait to finish grad school I'm gonna have so much extra time." And she said stop talking crazy. You're just gonna find something else... sure enough I joined LEAD right before graduation and started looking into Seminary right after. So Moses was in that same situation but x100! And Jethro was clear with him "the thing that you do is not good. Both you and these people who are with you will surely wear yourselves out." Jethro was clearly telling Moses - you're going to get burned out. And he recognized that burnout is NOT a good thing. Remember that by this time Moses was over 80 years old. So he gave Moses some advice - write out God's law for the people, and put judges over them - rulers of thousands, hundreds, fifties and tens. And Moses heeded his father in law's advice. So it's established here pretty early in the Bible - and pretty early in human society that burnout is a bad thing. And we aren’t the first ones to experience burnout. And there are solutions and exercises to burnout. ##### Outline One strategy that I learned from Abouna Daoud a long time ago was to treat something like burnout as a disease. A disease manifests as symptoms, and then you find out the Diagnosis (in this case Burnout) and you start to look for the root cause while pursuing treatment plans. It's the same with burnout. We will look at the Symptoms, some common Root causes and some treatment plans. And in general, I’ll say that we’re going to look at it holistically – we’ll see the Physical, Emotional, Mental and Spiritual Symptoms, Root Causes, Treatments. Let’s start with Symptoms. I’m going to show you two very short videos - about 10 seconds each - of people who are burned out. People of completely different backgrounds, ages, genders, etc. They are burned out for completely different reasons, but they respond to burnout in exactly the same way. #### Symptoms ##### Video 1 (Alexandra) [https://www.dropbox.com/s/9k73p2kpy4sm1ve/Alexandra%20Burnout.mp4?dl=0](https://www.dropbox.com/s/9k73p2kpy4sm1ve/Alexandra%20Burnout.mp4?dl=0) This is my daughter Alexandra about 3 years ago. She had a very long and difficult day with a very hectic and full schedule. She had to wake up at the crack of dawn - 11:30am. She then was forced to change her diaper and eat breakfast. She had about two hours of play time. And then had to go down for a nap. After a three hour nap, she had about two more hours of play time before having to eat dinner. Then another hour of play time before her dad came home. Then she had another four hours of play time with him. At that point the day was long and she was burnt out. We’ll watch a few seconds of her reaction here ##### Video 2 (Malcolm in the Middle) [https://www.dropbox.com/s/xi1yq8ubc41l4nh/Hal%20Lightbulb%201080p.mp4?dl=0](https://www.dropbox.com/s/xi1yq8ubc41l4nh/Hal%20Lightbulb%201080p.mp4?dl=0) This second example is from an old show called Malcolm in the Middle. I love this clip. It's hilarious; it gets me every time. But look how he responded to his wife - "WHAT DOES IT LOOK LIKE I'M DOING??" This is a man dealing with some real burnout. He's been changing a lightbulb for probably four hours. ##### Symptom 1: Stress Stress is a bad thing that is not normal; not created for us by God. God created humans and didn't intend for them to have stress. Stress is closer to being a sickness - like the flu. And sometimes you won't feel stressed out and think "oh I need to do more" - can you imagine if you didn't have the flu and thought "oh I need to go get the flu" - of course not! So stress is a physical symptom of Burnout, and one that I’m sure all of you are familiar with. ##### Symptom 2: Lack of Productivity Another symptom of burnout is being less productive. And this is a mental thing – it’s the Law of Diminishing Returns. The more you try to do in less time, the less productive it will be. The higher the quantity, the lower the quality. Imagine you are reading 30 pages of a book in an hour and it's taking the whole hour. Then you up it to 40 pages in an hour. You’ll get less from the 40 pages than you got from the 30 pages. It’s like a farmer who has two people help him run the farm and they get everything done in a timely manner. So he hires two more... he starts to make less money! Because even though he has more employees, he only has three wheelbarrows! Each person is doing less work than before. When we are burned out - doing too much, trying to fill our time, etc. we become less productive. This happens to me all the time. I look at the list of things I have to do - I have this and this assignment for work, I have assignments for school, exams to study for, sunday school lesson to prepare, and whatever else - sometimes I will look at this list and I’ll stare at it for like 10min, I’ll write it out in ten different ways, and then I'll go play video games. ##### Symptom 3: Sacrificing Relationships We also find that we sacrifice relationships with others when we’re burned out. Someone asks you to go out or to spend time together and we say “I wish I could man but I’m so busy. I have to study for this and that and I have work and etc.” And actually we start to isolate ourselves and this isn’t good for us. ##### Symptom 4: Deaf to the Voice of God Probably the most important, most common, and most affected symptom is that we simply can't hear God's voice. The Lord said in the Psalms "Be still and know that I am God" – but when I’m burnt out, there is no “being still” or “knowing God.” When I’m burnt out, the first thing I’m going to sacrifice is my prayer and Scripture time. It’s the first thing I won’t have time for. Sometimes I may even sacrifice my Church time – I don’t have time for Vespers this week, I need to study. I don’t have time for Tasbeha this week, I have exams. Or I may be standing in the Church and I'm physically there, but mentally I am somewhere else completely... I'm thinking about all the things I need to do. ##### Conclusion We saw these symptoms in both videos. Alexandra was definitely stressed. And standing there crying about it wasn’t going to make her any more productive. And she wasn’t about to stop crying on my behalf. And I don’t think she was thinking of God at that moment (or being still). The same with our friend Hank – stressed, less productive, not bothered by his relationship with his wife. So we’ve essentially defined burnout. And usually when you are burnt out, we said the first thing you sacrifice is your Spiritual Life. Usually the second thing is sleep or your health – “I’m gonna stay up all night to get this done”; or just chowing down on fast food and chips. Usually the third thing is relationships. And the last thing we’ll sacrifice is the things that are burning us out in the first place. #### Root Causes So now we’re going to go through four root causes. These are not all the root causes. And our goal today isn’t that you memorize them, but try and see what you relate to. You may relate to one or more of them. You may not be burned out right now, but you feel burnt out at other times. So try and relate to one or more of these. For each one, we will see some examples of it, and then we’ll see the appropriate Treatment for it, of course using the Scripture and the Church Fathers as our guides. And you’ll notice that most of our treatments are spiritual in nature. We’ll have some practical applications, of course, but do you have any idea why our treatments must be spiritual in nature? Because we are spiritual in nature! We are physical and spiritual. Outward man who is perishing, is physical. Our inner man who is being renewed day by day is spiritual. And we focus on nourishing our outward man; our physical, but we forget to nourish our Spiritual. And it’s unfortunate because it is our Spiritual Man that will help us navigate the world and give us strength to complete the things we commit to, and revitalize us from burn out. In any case, let us go through each of these root causes one by one. ##### Root Cause 1: Fast-Paced Life - Fast food - when it came out it was revolutionary. Walk in, pay, get food quickly. No sitting or waiting. A little while later they got rid of the walk-in step! Even faster. Now they're making it even faster! In the app, you put in your order so they know what it is before you even get there. All of this to shave off a few seconds. These apps cost thousands of dollars to produce... and probably millions to distribute and implement. And all of that to save you a few seconds. - Internet – obviously revolutionary. Most revolutionary invention of the 20th Century – completely changed the course of humanity. We have answers at our fingertips. Ask a question, translate a word, find a picture of something, remember the name of an actor in a movie and you don’t even remember the name of the movie. Fast-paced life. Sometimes when we don’t have signal on our phone, or the internet is slow, we get so anxious. We might even get mad at the phone. We’re not used to waiting. - Social Media and Texting – we no longer have to call someone and exchange pleasantries or anything like that. Shoot off a text “Hey man hope you’re doing well. I was wondering…” and put it in the back of your mind. And if someone doesn’t reply within a few minutes – God forbid if your phone tells you that he READ the message and still didn’t reply. We have these crazy thoughts going through our head. And actually this also contributes to burnout because we are not satisfying our social needs to actually see people and read their faces and hear their voices and feel their touch. - Driving – People (especially in Orlando) are willing to risk their lives and limbs to shave off a few seconds. Weaving through traffic, cutting off 18 wheeler trucks, whatever it might be. All of that to save a few seconds. Sometimes not even because they get stuck at a red light and everyone they passed comes right back to them. This fast-paced, always-busy life leads to being overtired or fatigued which are other words for burnout. We are ALWAYS running So what do you think the treatment is? ##### Treatment 1: Rest and Retreat Rest: Remember that the fourth commandment in the OT is to honor the Sabbath. Keep the Sabbath holy. The day of rest. So this is a commandment from God and not just any commandment it's one of THE ten commandments. Like the top ten list. Raise your hand if you've never murdered. Raise your hand if you've never stolen. If you've never committed adultery. Great. We always say those are the important ones. But keeping the Sabbath and resting - we never really consider that one. But God had it right there in the top five. That means it's important! Some people say "I don't rest because the devil never rests" - when did the devil become your role model?? God, Himself, rested. He took time - 1/7 of the time to admire His creation and rest on the seventh day. Are we more capable than God??? This was also the solution for Moses - delegate so that he can rest. So how do we rest? What do we mean by rest? We ALWAYS get this wrong. The true concept of Rest that was assigned by God for the Sabbath and performed by God in the 7th Day of Creation is not what we think it is today. Today we think Rest is sleeping all day, or rest is playing video games and just numbing our mind. But the true concept of Rest is to Delight. When God rested on the seventh day, He didn’t just leave humanity and the world to do what they wanted - He admired His creation. Genesis tells us that God saw everything that He had made, and indeed it was very good. Rest doesn't mean running errands, or numbing our mind, or just going to sleep. It means delight. Delight in three things... 1. Delighting in ourselves – The Physical and Mental Rest come from delighting in ourselves. - Physically resting of course is the Physical rest - this is what even Moses had to do. - Mental rest comes from doing something you love - if you love painting, reading, cooking, programming, singing, playing games, solving puzzles, playing sports, woodworking. Having healthy hobbies to do in moderation and that give you rest. It's important to have time to ourselves to do the things we love. And we use those things to glorify the Lord in His Creation and in using and revitalizing the mind and the talents that He gives us. 2. Delighting in others - Emotional Rest comes from delighting in others. - Spending time with family or friends. Talking to them, sharing with them, relating to them. Sometimes we let Social Media numb this idea for us, but it hits different when you’re physically with someone. You see their facial expressions, hear their voice, feel their touch. And it’s healthy – we need it. - Sometimes you spend time with family or friends and you get home – even though it was a long day, even if you did something labor intensive – and you just feel rested. Delighted. 3. Delighting in the Lord – This is Spiritual Rest. - Reading His word. His Psalms. Singing hymns. Speaking to Him. Remember that the true rest comes from God. - Giving yourself retreat. Look what St. Paul writes in Hebrews: "For consider Him who endured such hostility from sinners against Himself, lest you become weary and discouraged in your souls." (Hebrews 12:3) - Remember the words that David wrote in the Psalms - "Be still and know that I am God" - to hear God's voice, and to rest spiritually means to be still. To have some quiet time to hear God's voice and delight in God's presence. If life is fast-paced, then the solution is to Be Still. How do we do it Practically? A concept called “Retreat” - The Lord, Himself, practiced the concept of Retreat. - We read in Luke 4, after the Lord cast out a demon in the Synagogue of Capernaum, and then healed Peter’s Mother-in-Law the same day, and then that night, “all those who were sick with diverse diseases were brought unto Him and He laid His hands on every one of them and healed them”, what did He do the next morning? - He departed and went into a deserted place. - We need to practice Retreat. We need to escape the fast-paced life and we need to do it on a regular basis. Imagine if someone was running a business and didn’t take inventory every day… he would just wait until his shelves were empty, and then order more stuff. The business would fail! He wouldn’t be ready for customers. No, he needs to take stock every day and see what needs to be ordered. So by the time the shelves are empty, he can restock them. This is the purpose of Retreat, to take inventory. You can practice Daily Retreat in a very easy way every morning (or if your schedule doesn’t allow, then every evening). 20 Minutes per day. Read your Bible. Then give yourself some time to think and reflect about what you read, what you’re going to pray about, how you want your day to progress, what happened the last day and how to improve it, etc. And then stand for prayer. As the Saint, HH Pope Kyrillos VI says, ***"there aren’t good or bad days – there are days with prayer and days without prayer."*** ##### Root Cause 2: Improper Concept of Satisfaction/Success Some people have their whole lives mapped out based on salary. - I was visiting one of my 8th Grade Boys one year and I asked him what he wants to be when he grows up… he said “I wanna have passive income” – and I’m like “okay…. What’s the plan for that” – “well I wanna make my first million by 25 and then buy a bunch of real estate, hire someone to manage it all, and basically let it be passive income.” I was so surprised… - Another common one that I hear from Middle and High School Youth nowadays– they want to make YouTube videos and TikToks. Or they want to play Video Games on Twitch. And there’s no backup plan. Sometimes we have an improper concept of satisfaction and success. We think that Success means having the most money or having fame – TikTok fame or YouTube fame. How many followers I have. But these things have no end. This is what the Lord says to Jeremiah about the Israelites. “For My people have committed two evils: They have forsaken Me, the fountain of living waters, And hewn themselves cisterns – broken cisterns that can hold no water” (Jeremiah 2:13) - The Lord is the fountain of living water. He is the satisfaction and the quenching of our thirst. - And we forsake Him, and then build for ourselves cisterns that cannot hold water. Standards that cannot be satisfied. Goals that cannot be met. - I want to make my first million by 25 and my second million by 27, etc. It doesn’t end. There’s no upper limit to money. - We can get the most impressive car, and six months later there’s a more impressive one. - We have the best iPhone but the next year there’s a better iPhone. - Newest fashion, best shoes, most incredible handbag… and two weeks later it all needs to change. - We are concerned about our self-image – what do other people think of how I dress or what I drive or what phone or watch I have. - Or what headphones I have! Part of the reason Apple changes the designs of things so often is because now people can tell which version of Airpods you have in your ear. And you don’t want to be caught using the old ones. All of these behaviors stem from an improper concept of satisfaction and success, and lead directly to burning out. In this case we burn out because we can’t keep up – and more than that, no matter how hard we try to keep up and if we do actually keep up, it doesn’t give us the Satisfaction that the Lord gives us. People miss out on the most important parts of their life simple because they’re “grinding” - Husbands and wives miss out on the best parts of their marriage, because they want to work extra hours in the beginning and save up. - Parents miss the best parts of their kids’ upbringing, so they can work extra hours - Youth miss the best parts of their parents’ lives – the time when they live with their parents and can sit with them and talk to them and actually communicate and learn from their wisdom and teach them new things and establish a real relationship – just to take extra classes and finish a semester or a year early. Or to take a job on the side and have expendable income. You won’t get these days back. It’s good to be goal-oriented and to have goals and to strive for them, but they should be reasonable, and you have to weight them against what you’ll be missing out on. So what do you think is the Treatment for this one? ##### Treatment 2: Set your eyes above The treatment here is to focus on Eternal Life. We read throughout the Scripture - “Set your mind on things above, not on things on the earth.” (Colossians 3:2) - “Let your eyes look straight ahead, and your eyelids look right before you.” (Proverbs 4:25) - “For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit, the things of the Spirit.” (Romans 8:5) - “But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.” (Matthew 6:33) Set your eyes on the final goal. Look past this life that we are in, and into the next life that is to come and realize that THAT is your target to be achieved. The land of the living. So what’s a practical exercise here? If you’re sitting here and you’re relating to this root cause and you want to change, what is your next step? In reality, whether you relate to this or not, we should all be taking this step which is to ask ourselves this question – “Is this for God’s glory?” When I make a big purchase, when I decide on my major, when I choose what to wear, when I decide where to celebrate my birthday party, when I am picking places to go with my friends, let me live with this question: “Is this for God’s glory?” By doing this, wearing this, buying this, going there, will I be glorifying God? I wish we had bracelets that instead of “What would Jesus do” they said “Will this Glorify God?” Set your eyes above the things of the earth. ##### Root Cause 3: Comparing Myself to Others Another thing that I may be doing that is causing me to burnout is comparing myself to others. And this one is very dangerous. Just like the last one, comparing myself to others has no end. We read in the Scripture that "A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones." (Proverbs 14:30). Envy rots the bones. When I compare myself to others, I can never find peace. - I want to be a manager because so-and-so is a manager, and I won’t rest until I’m a manager like so-and-so. Well I work myself to the bone and I finally become manager, but guess what? There’s a district manager! Now I wanna be district manager, no matter what it takes… And if I’m really unlucky, so-and-so is the one who got promoted to district manager. - I want to switch my major to Biomedical Sciences because so-and-so is doing it. So-and-so got an internship, so I need to look for one. So-and-so is volunteering at the hospital, so I need to do that too. Our goal becomes to match or beat so-and-so and we lose sight of what is important. We see this in the service as well - I want to serve in Sunday School because so-and-so is serving Sunday School. I want to be better than him or her! - I want to be ordained as a reader or a subdeacon because so-and-so is, and I know more hymns than him. - I can’t believe I got placed to serve in Kindergarten when so-and-so is serving in Middle School. I know more Bible than her We also see the opposite where comparing myself to others gives me lower self-esteem - She’s serving in Middle School but I’m serving in Kindergarten. Maybe Abouna doesn’t think I can handle it. Maybe he thinks I’m not strong in the Bible. - All my friends my age got ordained Oghnostos except me… maybe it’s because I have a bad voice. - And all of these non-existent things live rent-free in my mind and this leads to Burnout There is no peace and no end to envy. Envy rots the bones. Of course envy itself can be its own discussion or series and can be studied very deeply, but here we are looking at Envy that leads to burnout. So what is the treatment for that? ##### Treatment 3: Share the Burden St Paul tells us to “Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ” (Galatians 6:2) - You can share your burden with someone you trust - choose someone who is spiritually wise. This can mean your Father of Confession or another Spiritual father, another servant in the Church, your parents, your spouse, your sibling or your friend. - When you share your burden you are ADMITTING your limitations and your problem – and thus, you are looking at YOURSELF instead of at someone else. It's the opposite of comparing yourself with others. It's an opportunity for Circumspection - You are also getting someone else to lift with you. - This could be in the form of emotional support – Someone else knowing what you’re going through sometimes is enough Emotionally to lift away some of the pressure ##### Root Cause 4: Giving from what I don't have - Don't have time but still try to give it - Burnout - Don't have physical strength but still try to give it - Burnout - Don't have knowledge but still try to give it - Burnout It ends up being a grind. Just excessive work. Basically trying to live a life that God has not given us - trying to do something that God didn't give us. Everyone is given something. Gifts, passions, capacities, etc. If we try to give outside of those capacities it leads to burnout. Sometimes it's because others place expectations on us that are not in our capacity. - I was riding with HG Bishop Youssef in the car once and he was on a phone call with someone and HG sounded very frustrated. And after he hung up, he started to tell me "the people are expecting too much... the man has a legal problem. So I told him to consult a lawyer. I'm not a lawyer I'm a bishop. So he says I cannot afford a lawyer. So I told him to find a paralegal. He said 'I don't know any paralegals. Can you send me the phone number for one?' Again... I'm a bishop!!!' So I told him 'go on the internet and search paralegal in your area' And he said 'I don't have internet' - can you believe this? I told him take your computer and go to starbucks and search for a paralegal in your area." - Can you believe the expectation this person was laying on HGBY - HGBY who is managing the geographically largest diocese in the world, with almost 100 priests and 50 churches and even more communities? Who is shepherding thousands and thousands of people. - HG also told me another story about a man who called his priest and said "Abouna my wife kicked me out of the house can you go over there and get my suitcase with clothes in it" or a man who called his priest and said "Abouna can you take my wife to the airport“ - Sometimes people place expectations on us that are outside our capacity. - Is HGBY capable of looking up paralegals? Of course! But it would mean that something else that's more important falls through the cracks. - Is Abouna capable of taking someone to the airport? Definitely! But it will mean something else doesn't get done. Sometimes it's because we want to please others. - We want to satisfy others or make other people happy. It’s coming from a good place – maybe from Empathy or just a desire to see others happy. We look at others' needs and say “I have to fulfill them" and it leads to us burning out. See what Solomon writes to us in the Proverbs – “it is a trap to dedicate something rashly and only later consider one’s vows” (Proverbs 20:25) So what do you think the treatment is for this one? ##### Treatment 4: Learn to say no It's much easier to get INTO a situation than to get out of it. - trouble - debt - relationship - weight problems - bad grades - fill up schedule as opposed to emptying a full schedule Before making any decision or taking on anything new, I need to carefully consider it as Solomon wrote. I need to pray about it and let the Lord guide my decision. I need to see if it’s the right thing to do. I need to recognize that I have limits. I have bandwidth Something that I do all the time: - I walk into the grocery store and I know EXACTLY what I'm getting. I'm getting milk for my kids, and a couple steaks for my wife and I. - So I walk into the store and I know I'm getting a gallon of milk and two steaks. I can carry that in my hands… I don’t need a cart. I don’t even need a basket. I walk right by them. - And I'm heading for the steaks when I see the specials right there at the front of the store... pasta is buy one get one free. Let me grab a few of those. Honeycrisp apples are on sale maybe a bag of those. I know the milk is coming so I'm saving room in my arms. But then I see the chicken is on sale - would be good to get it now instead of next week when it's more expensive. Let me pick that up. - And I'm balancing all this stuff and it's too much for me to carry. I finally get to the steaks and grab two. I go to the milk aisle and I don't know how I'm gonna carry this milk. - Why didn't I grab a basket? I didn't want to admit that I have limitations. - If I grab a basket, I will know when it's full. But if I don't have a basket, I could theoretically keep stacking things on top of each other infinitely. No limits! - And we do the same thing with our time and our capacities. We don't want to recognize that we have limits. That our bandwidth is limited. So we need to recognize that. If I agree to something that is one hour... I need to also drop something else that's one hour. Always ask yourself "what is this going to cost me? What am I going to have to say no to by saying yes to this?" If we don't ask ourselves this question, what do you think will be most impacted? What is always the first to be impacted? My spiritual life. My bible time. My prayer time. My quiet time. And then my sleep and my physical health. So it's important to ask this question - if I take on this thing that will take an hour, then I'll lose an hour of studying today. Then maybe tomorrow to make up that hour, I'll have to buy a lunch instead of making my lunch. With this also means learning to say no. If you can't say no... you're gonna have a bad time. It's much better to say "I'm sorry I can't" than to say yes and not do it. Remember the parable Christ told about the servant who did the will of his master. Don’t say no to everything! But carefully and prayerfully consider something before saying yes to it. Actually, if your keep your Spirit Nourished, then God the Holy Spirit will guide you to say no, and give you the strength to say no. Or guide you to say yes and give you the strength to complete what you obliged to yourself. #### Conclusion ##### Review So let’s go back to the Root Causes. What is the Treatment for each one? Fast-Paced Busy Life – Rest and Retreat Improper Concept of Satisfaction/Success – Set your eyes above – “Is this for God’s glory?” Comparing ourselves to others – Share the Burden Trying to give from what we don’t have – Learn to say no ##### What if I can't? What if... - I don’t have time for rest… - I don’t have time to share the burden… - I don’t have time to consider every little decision… “The thing that you do is not good.” (Exodus 18:17) The Lord has an escape plan! Stop and assess!! “Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time, casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you.” (1 Peter 5:6) If you can't do these things, then you're too busy and that's unacceptable. As Jethro told Moses - "What you are doing is wrong." A change is needed. Something has to give. God always has an escape plan so place your trust in Him. ##### Concluding Prayer We pray that God, the Holy Spirit, Who abides in us would give us comfort when we are burned out, guidance to say no when we should, strength to humble ourselves and share our burdens with others, and wisdom to nourish our Spirit through rest and daily retreat, continually delighting in the Lord so that our inner man may be renewed day by day. # 2025-01-02: Discipleship ##### Sources: - [HE Metropolitan Youssef: Effective Discipleship](https://notes.morcous.com/books/virtues/page/effective-discipleship-he-metropolitan-youssef "HE Metropolitan Youssef: Effective Discipleship") - [HE Metropolitan Youssef: Discipleship Requirements](https://notes.morcous.com/books/virtues/page/discipleship-requirements-he-metropolitan-youssef "HE Metropolitan Youssef: Discipleship Requirements") - HH Pope Shenouda III: Discipleship ##### Different Ways of Learning 1. Pupil - The word "pupil" comes from the pupil of the eye) - Pupils learn passively (e.g. by seeing, hearing) - Children in Elementary School are pupils 2. Student - The word "student" comes from the same root as "study" - Students learn by studying (e.g. experiments in a lab, research in the library, writing papers, etc.). There is more effort than just sitting in a classroom and learning by feeding. - Those in MS, HS, College, etc. are students 3. Disciple - From the root word "discipline" - Disciples learn through discipline. Followers of a teacher imitate him and he disciplines them. - Followers of a Teacher (e.g. followers of Christ, followers of desert fathers) are disciples - The Lord disciplined His disciples: - He started by teaching them as pupils - Then He sent them out to do some ministry and then come back with a report (Luke 9: "And the apostles, when they had returned, told Him all that they had done" - When the disciples told Him they could not cast out a demon, He told them "because of your unbelief" - When James and John argued about who would sit on the left or right, and the disciples were jealous He told them "no, to be the first, you must be last. To be the greatest, you need to be servant of all." - Through discipline, He formed their personalities so that they became His disciples ##### Christian means Disciple Acts 11:19-26 When Barnabas and Paul went to Antioch they found there followers of Christ, and they added more to the Lord, "And the disciples were first called Christians in Antioch" (Acts 11:26) The word Christian and the word Disciple are **synonymous** **The day I stop being a disciple, I have stopped being a Christian** Christianity is a religion of discipleship: "Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all things that I have commanded you" (Matthew 28:19-20) A servant who simply gives a lesson is making pupils. A servant who assigns homework or activities or research on top of that, is making students. But a servant who disciplines to transform others into the Image of Christ, is the one who makes disciples. Part of making disciples is to teach them as pupils and letting them do research as students; but the discipline which aims toward transforming others into the image of Christ is an essential part of the ministry. ##### Into the Same Image The Copy Machine Analogy - A disciple of Jesus Christ should look like Jesus Christ - "are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory" (2 Cor 3:18). - The original image is the image of the Lord Jesus Christ. The copy machine is the servant. The paper is the disciple. - The goal is to make an identical copy of the original - the Lord Jesus Christ. When you are seen looking like Christ, they will say "he is Christian" - "he is a disciple of Christ." - Challenges: - The original image is PERFECT - You can never make an IDENTICAL copy to the original in this analogy (i.e. the Lord Jesus Christ) - You don't have a perfect copy machine. - If a copy machine has a scratch, all the copies will have the same scratch - If there is a weakness in the life of the servant, you may see this weakness in all of the copies. - A servant who doesn't attend vespers, his class will be a copy of him - A servant who doesn't pay attention to prayer, his class will be a copy of him - A servant who doesn't pay attention to fasting, his class will be a copy of him - If parents don't care about fasting, their children will be the same - If parents don't care about confession, their children will be the same - If parents are smoking and drinking, their children may be the same - You don't have perfect paper. - In order to have an image as similar as possible to the original, I need a copy machine and paper that are as perfect as possible. Even with the best copy machine and the best paper, the first challenge still exists - you will never have a PERFECT copy. But you can have something that reflects the original. - The factory that produces the copy machine is the Church. So the Church needs to prepare the servants very well - A very good copy machine like St Paul, with very good paper like Timothy, Titus or Philemon, results in very good copies. ##### Principles of Discipleship How do I become a learner? “The Lord God has given Me The tongue of the learned, That I should know how to speak A word in season to him who is weary. He awakens Me morning by morning, He awakens My ear To hear as the learned. The Lord God has opened My ear; And I was not rebellious, Nor did I turn away." (Isaiah 50:4-5) We will take these two verses are our guide. These two verses are about the Lord Jesus Christ. "I gave My back to those who struck Me, And My cheeks to those who plucked out the beard; I did not hide My face from shame and spitting." (Isaiah 50:6) The Lord Jesus made Himself a Disciple before making disciples ##### 1. Developing the Heart of the Disciple “The Lord God has given Me The tongue of the learned, The Lord Jesus had the Tongue of the Learned - When Jesus was 12 years old, He sat in the Temple among the teachers, asking questions and listening to them. - "Now so it was *that* after three days they found Him in the temple, sitting in the midst of the teachers, both listening to them and asking them questions. And all who heard Him were astonished at His understanding and answers." (Luke 2:46-47) - The Lord Jesus was **submissive to His Parents - St Mary and St Joseph the Carpenter**. Even though St Joseph was not His father biologically. He submitted them and obeyed them. One problem in this generation is that I know everything. - If someone gives me advice, I don't take it well. - If my parents give me advice, I say: - "I'm in college" - "I'm in grad school." - "Why are you treating me like a kid?" - "I know what I'm doing!" - We think that we know and understand more than our parents, more than our Abouna, more than our servants. - If this is how you think, then you lost the spirit of discipleship. Pope Theophilus went to the desert to listen to a word of wisdom from the elder St Arsenius. He went as a disciple (despite being the POPE!) Some people go to confession not to listen to advice, but to challenge and convince Abouna to approve their agenda. - If you're here for approval, if you think what you're doing is right, go do it. - But if you're here for advice, here is the guidance according to the Scripture and the Church Teaching. If I have the Tongue of the Learned, I will go to seek advice without intention of showing off, or of convincing someone, or starting a debate, make an argument, but with the intention of learning. The Tongue of the Learned is... - When we open the Scripture, we have to have the heart and tongue of a learner. Be a disciple to the Scripture. - Be a disciple to the Early Church Fathers and their writings. - When we go to our Father of Confession, we have to have the heart and tongue of a learner. Be a disciple to your Father of Confession. - "Go to the ant, you sluggard! Consider her ways and be wise" (Proverbs 6:6-8) If you have the heart of the disciple, you will learn even from nature. - Look at the ant - Look at the birds - Look at the lilies of the field **A true disciple, at every moment of his life, is learning something** St Antony is said to be like a bee going from one flower to another flower in order to learn spirituality and how to live the true monastic life. Parents can discipline, Abouna can discipline. But if you do not have the heart of a learner, all of this discipline will be in vain and produce nothing. ##### 2. The Purpose of Becoming a Disciple "That I should know how to speak A word in season to him who is weary." Selflessness In college to be a doctor, lawyer, engineer. Maybe I am learning to have a good career, good money, comfortable life. But how many are learning in order to serve others and to help them? The heart of the disciple, is the selfless heart. A person who denies himself. In season - If you are in a difficult time and no one asked about you and then one month later, someone came and gave you a word of comfort, you might say in your mind "it's too late. I needed this one month ago." - When the Lord spoke about the faithful and wise steward, He said: "to give them their food in due season." **The Purpose of Becoming of Disciple is to Serve Others** - "The Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many.” (Matthew 20:28) - To be truly in the likeness of Christ, I must serve others ##### 3. The Discipline of the Disciple He awakens Me morning by morning, He awakens My ear To hear as the learned. It is not "I will attend seminary, graduate, and now I've finished my discipleship" - "I will go through preservants and when I'm finished, I'm done with discipleship" **Discipleship is a continuous life-long process** "Bring the cloak that I left with Carpus at Troas when you come—and the books, especially the parchments." (2 Timothy 4:23) - even in the last moments of his life, St Paul asked for the books and parchments so he could read, learn and continue his discipleship. St Paul who preached in three continents, saw the third heaven, wrote more than half of the New Testament, who was disciplined at the hand of Gamaliel and learned by revelation from the Lord Jesus Christ directly - and in the last breaths of his life, asked for the books and parchments to read and to study and to learn. **The Lord gives us an opportunity to learn every morning - and not just every morning, but every moment of every day** ##### 4. The Attitude of the Disciple The Lord God has opened My ear; And I was not rebellious, Nor did I turn away." **A true disciple is the one who is not rebellious and does not turn away.** Does not pick and choose "I like this, I will take it. I don't like this, I will leave it." Sometimes even with the Scripture or Early Church Fathers - I like this verse, I will use it. I don't like this verse, I ignore it "It's not fit for the 21st Century." Open Buffet style. The Lord Jesus did not turn away - The Father told the Son "You will go and be High Priest. And as High Priest, You will have something to offer. I am not pleased with the blood of animal sacrifices. You will take flesh and offer Your Body." And the Son's response: "The Lord God has opened My ear; And I was not rebellious, nor did I turn away. I gave My back to those who struck Me, and My cheeks to those who plucked out the beard; I did not hide My face from shame and spitting." (Isaiah 50:5-6) - ⁵Therefore, when He came into the world, He said: “Sacrifice and offering You did not desire, But a body You have prepared for Me. ⁶In burnt offerings and *sacrifices* for sin You had no pleasure. ⁷Then I said, ‘Behold, I have come— In the volume of the book it is written of Me— To do Your will, O God.’ ” (Hebrews 10:5-7) ##### Life of Discipleship So far, we have been talking about discipleship in a vague sense. One should be a disciple of: *From HH Pope Shenouda III Book Discipleship* - Learn from the Scripture - Learn from the Lives of the Saints - Learn from the Writings of the Early Church Fathers - Learn from the Faults of Others - Learn from silence - Learn from books - Learn from nature - Learn from the rites of the Church - Learn from the events and happenings of our life - Learn from a Spiritual Father HH Pope Shenouda goes into far greater detail and many examples in his book, and I recommend for you to read those chapters. Now let's shift our focus to the discipleship of a spiritual father. Learn from a Spiritual Father. ##### Discipleship of a Spiritual Father Firstly, our discipleship is to the Lord Jesus Christ. And we are called Christians meaning "Disciples of Christ." So how can I be discipled to another person as a spiritual father? The answer to this is in 2 Timothy 2:2 "And the things that you have heard from me among many witnesses, commit these to faithful men who will be able to teach others also." - How many generations of discipleship do we see here? 1. The Lord Jesus 2. St Paul 3. St Timothy 4. "faithful men" 5. "others also" St Paul writes: "Imitate me, just as I also imitate Christ." We are talking here about how you can be a disciple to your father of confession, or another spiritual father, or your father the bishop, or your parents, or your servants ##### How did Christ Disciple the Twelve? The Lord Jesus used five methods to teach the disciples and prepare them for their ministry: 1. Active learning - He would take them on the side and teach them in private, or he would give a sermon publicly and they would be present to hear it. 2. Passive learning - They lived with Him and watched Him - When He forgave - When He prayed - From His faith - From His care for others 3. Direct Supervision - He let them participate with Him in the service (e.g. shadowing) - Feeding the multitude, He took their opinion, then had them split the people, then had them distribute, collect the fragments, etc. 4. Indirect Supervision - He sent them to serve by themselves, gave them all that they needed, and when they came back, they told Him all that they had done; He corrected the part that they missed 5. Retreat - He took time with them to be away from the crowd - He had time for prayer and reflection and meditation with them Why am I mentioning these points? To see the seriousness of the Twelve in their discipleship. - Imagine if the Lord wanted to take them to give them a sermon or a lesson and someone said "I don't feel like it right now." This happens today when our spiritual father is giving a sermon and I am sleeping, or I am on my phone. Or my Youth Meeting servant is giving a topic and I'm coming late, after the topic. - Imagine if a disciple only showed up when there was a sermon; or he skipped all the meetings and got the "notes" from someone else, but he didn't have any relationship with the Lord. He didn't spend time with the Lord, He didn't see the miracles, He didn't see how the Lord interacted with people, etc. He would be missing an integral part of the discipleship. - Imagine if every time the Lord told them "I need your help with a service" one said "sorry, I can't today" or just didn't respond - Imagine if one disciple went on his missionary trip and when he came back and the Lord asked him "give me a report" he said "oh sorry it's confidential" - Or if a disciple attended all of those events, but when the Lord did a spiritual retreat or a time for prayer, the disciple skipped it. He would be missing a big part of his discipleship... but how many times do we skip prayer in Youth Meeting or Servants Meeting, or miss Matins, or during the Agpeya prayers of the Liturgy, we don't even recite a single psalm? When being a disciple to a spiritual father, all of those aspects are necessary. The Life of Discipleship requires all of those things ##### Characteristics of Spiritual Fatherhood 1. Secure in his faith, experienced; reflects the Lord Jesus - "If the blind leads the blind, both will fall into a ditch" (Matthew 15:14) - Remember the copy machine - you can expect to become like the spiritual father you are following - You want a spiritual father who has experience - personal experience, in that he has gone through the spiritual life, and also experience from other people he has mentored over many years. Many people when a new priest is ordained flock to him to be their father of confession, but it's better to wait and to give him time in his service first. And NEVER change spiritual fathers or father of confession without first asking your original father of confession for his guidance and blessing in doing so. 2. Gives sound guidance and advice supported and reinforced by the Scripture and the lives and sayings of the saints - You want to have a spiritual father who gives you sound guidance and advice - A good spiritual father will give you good advice, and this advice will be backed by the Scripture and the lives of the saints 3. Accessible - You want a spiritual father that you have access to on a regular basis. You see him weekly, you have several opportunities during the week to meet with him or to ask him for 5min of his time. You don't want a priest who lives in a different state or Timezone than you. You don't want a priest or a bishop who is responsible for a thousand other things and may take a few days to get back to you. Of course, you can have more than one spiritual father, but the main father of confession should be someone who is accessible - There is a story about Fr Mikhail Ibrahim when his wife departed and that evening he was taking confessions and meetings and consoling a man whose wife had departed six months prior 4. Open to questions and asking for explanation - A good spiritual father will always be open to questions and asking for explanations - This is different from one who entertains debates and arguments and controversy 5. Gives principles to apply according to the character of the disciple, knowing that (s)he will not be the exact copy - A good spiritual father knows your strengths and weaknesses, your character, your personality. He does not want to erase your personality. He knows you are your own person. - He also knows that he is his own person with his own personality, psychology, etc. - He knows you will never be an exact copy of him or of some ideal 6. A person can have more than one spiritual guide - Take the example of St Antony who was said about him that he was like a bee going from flower to flower ##### What do I need Guidance In? - Spiritual Life - Confession and spiritual guidance - Do not use the spiritual father as a means of implementing spiritual desires (i.e. with your mind made up). Some people use the time of confession to “inform” the Father Confessor about their plan – “during the fast I am going to eat this and this, I’m going to pray this and that” - “I have started to pray seven times a day and it’s working out good for me” - Maybe these things all seem like the right thing to do. But it is for your Father of Confession to try and assess your motivation, your intentions, your spiritual level, your readiness. The Scripture says: “There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way of death” (Proverbs 14:12) - Cultivating virtue - It is not good to travel rapidly along the spiritual road. A virtue acquired easily can be lost just as easily… and then it is harder to reacquire. - Books to Read - You should take the guidance of your Spiritual Father before starting to read a new book. Maybe he gives you general guidance like “read any Pope Shenouda book” or maybe he tells you “for now stay away from books written by Eastern Orthodox or Catholics” – this kind of advice is for your own good! He may tell you not to read a Book of Scripture like Song of Songs, or Revelation because you are not well equipped for them; obey him. - Prayers to Pray - Service Opportunities - Not everyone is ready for every service - Or maybe accepting a new service would interfere with your current service; and maybe you don't see how - Education and Career Choices - Imagine someone who goes to Abouna and says “By the way, I’m moving to such and such state for school starting next week” – and it’s the first time Abouna is hearing of it. Did you seek his advice? Maybe you are not ready to move out from your parents house. Maybe you are not ready to live in a place that does not have a church. Maybe you are not ready to leave the life of service that you are just starting. Everyone is different. Or someone all of a sudden says “I can’t serve anymore because I’m gonna start working overnight” – maybe you are not yet at the spiritual level to work overnight… - Events to Attend; Places to Go - Friends, Courtship, Relationships - Mental Health # 2025-01-21: My Role in Liturgy (OCCM) ##### Visual Aid [https://www.dropbox.com/scl/fi/r2zej2ljh8y5c778a8dn9/My-Role-in-the-Liturgy.pptx?rlkey=1cws6xytdbtbhvac5464m8ikz&dl=0](https://www.dropbox.com/scl/fi/r2zej2ljh8y5c778a8dn9/My-Role-in-the-Liturgy.pptx?rlkey=1cws6xytdbtbhvac5464m8ikz&dl=0) ##### Introduction Every Sunday, we come to the liturgy, we attend, we take communion, we go home. Same prayers, same time, same routine, say "Lord have mercy" 100 times, metanoia here, bow down here, sign of the cross here, etc. And it's easy for that to get boring. We might think of the Liturgy as being unchanging or static. Show of hands, who here has gotten bored in liturgy? I had the idea for this topic because I was standing in liturgy the other day and I was standing with the young children in the deacons' section. And Abouna was praying the Thanksgiving Prayer, and I looked down to the kids and saw that many of them were just looking out at nothing. Some of them are looking at their friends. Some of them are fidgeting. And I thought to myself, as Abouna is saying "Let us give thanks to God the Pantocrator" - how many of us are actually giving thanks? And I looked over to the section with HS and College and saw the same blank expressions, some people on their phones, some people yawning, some people on their watches. We don't understand the purpose of liturgy. Is the purpose of liturgy just to take communion? If that's the case, why does it have to be so long? Why does it need so many words? Are the words needed to transform the bread and wine into Body and Blood of Christ? Is the Liturgy some magical incantation that can change bread and wine into Body and Blood? Why do I have to be there for that? Why don't we have the priest say the words, make it into Body and Blood, and then we come for the Distribution part? People when they are sick receive Communion without attending the Liturgy - Abouna just brings it to them. Why do we need to attend liturgy to receive Communion? On top of that, if we're gonna be there for so long, why not make it more exciting? Why don't we borrow from the Protestant Churches with their guitars and drum sets and worship teams? Why don't we sing the songs that we like instead of those old Coptic Hymns that don't "match the times"? Maybe I hear those other songs and I can feel them moving my spirit, sometimes even bringing me to tears. Wouldn't those songs be more effective? Today we will discuss and explore these questions. Agenda: - What is Liturgy - Liturgy is the work of the people - Liturgy is given by God through the Church - Liturgy is holy - Set apart from time - Set apart from space - Set apart from self - What is my role in Liturgy - Participation of the Mind - Participation of the Body - Participation of the Spirit #### What is Liturgy? Some characteristics of Liturgy: - Liturgy is the work of the people - Liturgy is given by God - Liturgy is Holy ("Set Apart") ##### Liturgy is the Work of the People... The word "Liturgy" comes from the Greek λειτουργία meaning "work of the people." λαός means "people" and ἔργο means "work" (like the word ergonomics which is the study of work or specifically the study of work efficiency). As with many Greek words, this word was used with a specific meaning prior to Christianity. Ancient Greeks used the word to describe a "public service" which was done for the people, by the people. When the Old Testament was being translated to Greek in the early centuries Before Christ, the term was adopted to refer to the ministry of the tabernacle, the temple, God and the name of God. Some people treat the Liturgy as a show that they watch... they come to the Liturgy, stand in their place and become silent observers. If we treat the Liturgy like a show, not only will we miss out on the actual experience, but we're more likely to just get completely distracted. The Liturgy is not a very entertaining show to watch! So if it starts to get boring, I start to divert my attention elsewhere and get distracted with my social media, or a game on my phone, or reading the news, or trying to "multi-task" during the Liturgy. But we are not meant to be watchers or observers of liturgy, but rather active participants. When you go to a show, the entertainer is facing you and he's trying to make you laugh or invoke an emotional response - but when you come to the liturgy, the priest is not facing you, but he's facing east WITH you, because he, LIKE you, is a participant. He, like you, needs repentance. He, like you, needs to eat of the Eucharist. He, like you, needs salvation. So I, like him, need to participate in the Liturgy. This is why the word "Liturgy" is used - because it means "work of the people." And actually we can expand the definition to be "work of the people FOR the people" ##### Liturgy is Given by God Liturgy is how God wants to be worshipped. The concepts of liturgy, sacrifice and ritual were not invented by man, but have been the expression of worship that is acceptable to God since the beginning. As early as Cain and Abel, we see that God distinguishes between what is acceptable worship, and what is unacceptable worship. In Noah, we see that he is to distinguish between clean and unclean animals, take 7 each of clean animals and 2 each of unclean animals, and the purpose was because only clean animals were to be used for worship and sacrifice. It was God who laid out in Exodus how the tabernacle should be constructed - what materials, how much of each material, how they were arranged, etc. It was God who in Leviticus ordained specific instructions for each of the burnt offerings, gave them feasts, detailed the rituals for the day of atonement, gave them a daily raising of incense morning and evening, the showbread and the lighting of the candles, the vestments of the priests. It was God who told Moses how to anoint Aaron for the priesthood, and Samuel how to anoint Saul and David for the kingship. It was God incarnate, the Person of the Lord Jesus Christ, who instituted the Sacrament of the Eucharist and the New Covenant and the Liturgy with the twelve disciples and told them "do this in remembrance of Me." It was the Lord Jesus who then taught the apostles HOW to do it during the 40 days after the Resurrection. In turn, those disciples and their disciples would be the ones who authored the Liturgies that we still use today. "Therefore, brethren, stand fast and hold the traditions which you were taught, whether by word or our epistle" (2 Thessalonians 2:15) - Greek word for traditions here is παραδόσεις which is different from διδάχ which means "teachings" (in this verse ἐδιδάχθητε is the Greek for "you were taught") The Lord is particular about: 1. Who is doing the worship 2. Where they are doing the worship 3. How they are doing the worship How did God respond to those who wanted to worship in other ways? 1. Their sacrifice was not accepted by Him - such as is the case with Cain who was not intentional about his offering to the Lord. Such is also the case with King Saul who offered a specific sacrifice that it was not his role to offer. These, who did not intend to profane God but did it out of ignorance or even out of haste, were offered many chances for repentance but unfortunately, they did not until the end of their lives. 2. They profaned God - such is the case with Nadab and Abihu the sons of Aaron, who were deliberate in offering profane fire, or the sons of Eli who the Scripture says "were corrupt and did not know the Lord". Or Korah, Dathan and Abiram who rebelled against God's choosing of Moses. These, when they profaned God by intention, and from a position of leadership, were killed. Nadab and Abihu were consumed by fire, the sons of Eli were killed in war, and Korah Dathan and Abiram were swallowed by the ground. What we have in our hands with Liturgy is something that is given to us by God. It is not for us to change to adapt to our desires. ##### Liturgy is Holy What does the word "holy" mean? Set Apart If I have towels that are used for the drying of the liturgical vessels, they are set apart for that use. Or if I have towels set apart for the Korban, they are set apart for that use. I cannot take those towels and use them to dry my body after a shower. I cannot take the Paten or the Mysteer or the Chalice and use them for my lunch. These things are holy. They are set apart for God. - The Sabbath was set apart for rest and worship - The Tabernacle and its furnishings and utensils were set apart for God's worship - Israel as a nation was set apart to serve and obey God Liturgy is set apart from the rest of the world in almost every aspect **Set Apart From Time** The world is fast-paced - we have Instagram Reels, and YouTube shorts. We have fast-food and we have drive-thru. We have classes scheduled back-to-back and they have a start time and an end time. We are almost always in a hurry. If you drove to Seattle, it would take 45 hours. If you walked there it would take 45 days. We have planes that can take us there in 6 hours but God forbid it's even 1 hour late. And if it's 3 hours late, I'm complaining and writing an email and demanding my money-back. This is the world we live in. But the Liturgy transcends all of that. We step out of the world's clock and enter God's time. For example, when Abouna prays: "Therefore, as we also commemorate His holy Passion, His Resurrection from the dead, His ascension into the heavens, and His sitting at Your right hand O Father" - we are commemorating events that happened in the past. We are remembering them and keeping them as a memorial... but then Abouna continues "and His Second Coming which shall be from the heavens awesome and full of glory." - this is an event that hasn't happened yet! So how can we commemorate it? It is because in that moment, we are not in the world's time. If you check your watch or look at a clock or look at your phone, yes you will see that time is progressing. But in the Liturgical Ritual we are seeing past, present and future converge to one point. God, Who is timeless and eternal, Who is not bound by time as we are, Who is the creator of time itself, is inviting us to be present with Him. If I understand my role in the liturgy, then I will find myself in His presence, and His presence is outside of time. **Set Apart From Space** When I look around my campus, I'll see flyers for events, I see people tabling for random clubs and hear them calling out, I see people playing games like frisbee or hackie sack at the mall, I see advertisements for restaurants or products, I hear music of the world playing. When I look at my phone, there are notifications to watch a YouTube video or to go back and scroll Instagram, or of news in the world that I might be interested in, or a text from a friend about nothing, or a reminder to do my homework. Again, this is the world we live in. But the Liturgy transcends all of that. We step out of the world and enter the heavens. You have heard the term "Liturgy is heaven on earth" - everything in Liturgy is meant to transport you to the heaven. You are surrounded by the icons of the saints and angels - these are not just pictures or decoration, but they are windows into heaven, showing us the saints and angels who are worshipping with us even in that moment. The sound of the hymns and the aroma of the incense are glimpses of the heavenly worship. The architecture, icons and layout of the church are designed to lift you up from your earthly concerns to the heavenly reality. God, Who is outside of space and matter, Who is not bound by space as we are, Who is the creator of the universe and all that is in it, is inviting us to be present with Him. If I understand my role in the liturgy, then I will find myself taken out of this world and dropped in His world. I leave behind the distractions and I can focus on Him. The church is not just a physical building, but it is a spiritual space that unites us with the Divine. **Set Apart From The Self** We talked about the external distractions and noise that are related to our space in the world. But what about the internal distractions, noise and chaos? In the world, I am overwhelmed by my responsibilities - juggling school, work, personal goals, family expectations, friendships, relationships, church service, extracurriculars, etc. I feel like I am spread too thin. I don't have the mental space to focus or even to breathe. I am worried and anxious - about the future (career, health, success, getting into grad school, etc.) and about the past (did I say the right thing, did I make a mistake). I feel regret and guilt from wronging someone, or saying the wrong thing, or falling into sin. I am restless - doom scrolling, keeping up with trends, etc. I have doubts about my faith or my purpose or my identity. I have emotions. I have perfectionism. And on top of all that, I have FOMO (Fear of Missing Out) so even if I had more time, I would fill it with something else, lest I miss out. Even if I am quiet on the outside, the inside is raging with all of this chaos! The Liturgy transcends all of that. In the Liturgy I can find peace - and specifically, inner peace. The Lord Jesus Christ, who is the King of Peace, will abide in me and I in him. Liturgy gives me a chance to have silence. To have calmness. To have reflection. To surrender all of my stresses and anxieties and the noise of my life into the hand of the Lord. When I am still, I can open my heart to hear God's voice instead of my own. If I know my role in the liturgy, then I can leave behind the stress of this world - of work, home, school, and even the stress of entertaining myself. And I can find peace. #### What is my Role in Liturgy? "And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength." (Mark 12:30) We are going to discuss four points here: - Participation of the Mind - Participation of the Body - Participation of the Spirit - Go in Peace ##### Participation of the Mind An imperfect analogy: If I know nothing about Soccer, and you ask me to sit down and watch a 2 hour soccer game, I'm going to get bored. But once I learn about Soccer, and I learn the game, then I will be able to follow what's happening in the game, and I am less likely to get bored. What does it mean to learn the game? - Experience it - Be taught about it - Read about it - Play it The same goes for the Liturgy. If you know nothing about the Liturgy or about the Scripture or about the Church History, or about the Gospel - then you will come to the Liturgy and you will be bored. So our first point here actually starts BEFORE the Liturgy. What is my role BEFORE liturgy. Learn the Liturgy, Read books. Watch videos. Be observant. Ask questions. There are many ways that we can engage with the Liturgy and with the worship of God intellectually. If you learn about the Liturgy and its structure and flow, the more you will follow it and be able to follow the story and the rhythm of worship. The more you learn about the different rituals and motions, you will have a better understanding of what is happening. The more you learn of the Scripture, the better you will understand the readings of the day. The more you learn about iconography, the more you will see how the stories of the saints relate to the themes of the Liturgy. The more you immerse yourself in the teaching of the Church - whether it is theology, apologetics, biblical studies, patristics, etc. - the more you will be able to see the coherence of the line between what the Lord Jesus taught, the disciples preached and the Fathers kept. Worship is not an action that is void of intellect. Many atheists make this accusation against Christians - that we have foregone intellect and science in favor of faith. No, but rather we recognize that God is the source of all intellect and of all wisdom. Everything in the Liturgy has a purpose, has a meaning, has a symbol - but it is only with our intellect and our mind, can we recognize these symbols and meanings and purposes. Be careful of the danger of focusing only on your mind and intellect, without giving any attention to your spirit: “If you are a theologian, you will pray truly. And if you pray truly, you are a theologian.” – Evagrius Ponticus ##### Participation of the Body The Body is an instrument of worship "But I discipline my body and bring *it* into subjection, lest, when I have preached to others, I myself should become disqualified." (1 Cor 9:27) My body begins to participate even from the night before, when I start my Eucharistic Fast, and when I make sure I get good sleep before Liturgy. If I deprive myself of a healthy amount of sleep before the Liturgy, I will do myself a disservice - my body and my mind will be tired. **Fasting:** The Eucharistic Fast serves as a way of reminding us that our physical needs should not overshadow our spiritual needs. By fasting, we are bringing the body to the same level and desire of the spirit, which desires for communion with God. We deny ourselves physical nourishment for a time, to recognize the spiritual nourishment of the Liturgy and the Eucharist **Prostration, Bowing Head:** When we prostrate or bow our heads, we perform an act of humility, we lower ourselves before God as a putting off of our ego. **Standing:** St Basil, when talking about the traditions we have received, talks about standing as being a sign and recognition of the Resurrection. **Look Towards the East:** Looking toward the East is about looking back to our old home which was the Paradise of Eden "in the East" (Genesis 2) and looking towards the Second Coming of Christ who will come from the East. **Sign of the Cross:** Making the sign of the cross engages us in the sacrifice of the Cross. As we say in the Doxology for the Feast of the Cross: "The cross is our weapon, the cross is our protection" **Participation of the Senses:** The Liturgy intentionally engages all of our senses: - Seeing the iconography, iconostasis, crosses, vestments, ritual actions - Hearing the hymns, prayers and readings - Smelling the incense - Tasting the Eucharist - Touching the icons, the crosses, doing the sign of the Cross **Singing:** The biggest role that I have in the Liturgy is to sing the hymns and chant the responses. Do you know that a Liturgy cannot be prayed if there isn't a congregant? Abouna cannot pray the liturgy by himself. Abouna and a deacon cannot pray a liturgy by themselves, but they need at least a third person to be the congregation. Let me sing every "Lord have mercy" and every "Amen" and every response. ##### Participation of the Spirit What did the Lord Jesus Christ say to the Samaritan woman? God is Spirit, and those who worship God must worship in… SPIRIT AND TRUTH. If I am worshipping in Spirit and Truth, then each Lord have mercy will be different. In the first one I will be pleading with God for the peace of the one holy Catholic and Apostolic Orthodox Church; in the second one for Pope Tawadros, Anba Youssef, Anba Basil and Anba Gregory; in the third one for Abouna Aaron and Abouna Jerome and the my hegumens and priests and deacons BY NAME; etc. Because if I say the same Lord have mercy time after time then not only am I not worshipping God in Spirit and Truth, but I am falling into one of the traps the Lord mentioned in the sermon on the mount: “And when you pray, do not use vain repetitions as the heathen do. For they think that they will be heard for their many words.” (Matthew 6:7) Another important aspect of “Worship God in Spirit and Truth” is to take it personally. Imagine that in church I say "pray for the peace of the Church..." and then I go outside and I complain a lot, make problems, argue with the servants or Abouna, disagree about everything, talk about people behind their back, etc. Or I say in the liturgy "pray for our archpriest Pope Tawadros and Anba Youssef" and "pray for the heguments, priests and deacons..." and then I leave and go on Instagram to say things against HH The Pope or HE the Metropolitan or the priests Or I stand in liturgy and say “pray for the air of the heaven” and I walk outside and smoke a cigarette. How would the Lord Jesus Christ respond? Am I really worshipping in Spirit and Truth? Participating in the Spirit means to close my eyes and pray. I mentioned in the beginning the reason that I thought of this topic to give to you all today - ask yourself in every liturgy. While Abouna is praying the Thanksgiving Prayer, what am I thankful for? How can I express my Thanksgiving to the Lord? And pray those words. When you find yourself in the litanies and the deacon tells you "pray for the peace of the Church" - pray for the internal peace of the Church. Pray for the external peace of the Church. Pray for the unity of the Only Only Holy Catholic and Apostolic Church. Pray for those who have separated themselves from the Orthodox Faith. When you hear the deacon telling you "pray for the holy gospel" - pray for the spread of the gospel message to those who haven't heard it; pray for the hearts of those listening to be opened to the gospel message (starting with your own heart); When you hear the deacon telling you "pray for the Pope and Bishops" - pray for them by name. "Remember O Lord Your Servant HH Pope Tawadros II. Protect him, guide him, give him Your wisdom, let him do your will, keep him for many years on his throne, extend his life. Remember O Lord Your Servant HE Metropolitan Youssef. Protect him, guide him, give him Your wisdom, let him do your will. Give him more time in the day. Calm the hearts of our diocese. Give him a time for rest. Take care of his health. When you hear the deacon telling you "pray for the salvation of the world" When you hear the deacon telling you "pray for our kings and leaders, our government and our military" When Abouna says “He will appear to judge the world in righteousness and give each one according to his deeds” the congregation cries out “According to YOUR Mercy O Lord not according to my sins.” Because this sentence is dealing with MY salvation. It’s a prayer – Lord I don’t agree with this judging according to deeds because if you judged me according to my deeds alone I would not have eternal life. But judge me with YOUR MERCY. – I am saying this out loud and I am pleading with God. I am not just singing a hymn This is my main role in the Liturgy. The participation of my spirit. This is why the liturgy starts with: "Lift up your hearts" ##### Go in Peace At the end of Liturgy, Abouna says "Go in peace" Communal prayer enhances personal prayer; personal prayer enhances communal. Sometimes I make the excuse not to pray at home because "I don't know what to say" or I pray but I find that my words are few and they just feel like empty words. Let me influence my private prayer with communal prayer - I can remember the Litanies and pray based on them. I can also just pray Psalis and hymns from the liturgy or the praises! At the same time, this will enhance my time in liturgy because I become conditioned to prayer and to the words of prayer. Embody the peace you received and go out and carry it in your life and interaction. I can't leave the liturgy and go argue with my brother. I can't leave the liturgy and go and curse and watch inappropriate movies or listen to music unbecoming of me as a Christian. My mom used to say "omal betroo7 El kenesa leh" (well in that case, why are you even going to church). Sunday being the day of the Lord, it's good for us not to have work and that isn't just so we can attend liturgy, but so that we can go in peace after. To visit our brethren and visit the sick and serve the poor. To go and help our parents and our friends. This is how we take the peace that we received, double it and give it to the next person! # 2025-12-11: Discernment (SALT) ##### Introduction - Διακρίνω (diakrino): Separate one from another; decompose into elemental parts; distinguish; decide - The ability to perceive what is from God, what is from myself, and what is from the enemy - and to choose the path that leads to life - To see reality truthfully - See yourself truthfully - what are my strengths, what are my weaknesses, what are my motives, what are my biases - See others truthfully - without judgment and without idealization - See events truthfully - without deception or passion - **To see everything as the Lord sees it** - “Some have afflicted their bodies by asceticism, but they lack discernment, and so they are far from God" - St Anthony - St Anthony put discernment even above asceticism. And most of the desert fathers see discernment as being the most important virtue! - What about love??! - **Discernment is what guides all other virtues** - Without discernment, other virtues can be displeasing to God - Love can be misguided if it isn't accompanied by discernment/wisdom - Love without discernment can go wrong - and it can't be corrected because there is no discernment. - Discernment without love, however, can be corrected - Example: St Peter - St Peter loved the Lord. But he lacked discernment. - "This led him on little by little to self-confidence. Christ then, out of a desire to put down this, permitted his denial. For since he neither submitted Him, he is instructed by deeds. The Lord said to Peter "I have prayed for you, that your faith fail not," sharply reproving him, and showing that his fall was more grievous than the rest, and needed more help. For the matters of blame were two; both that he gainsaid; and, that he set himself before the other; or rather a third too, namely, that he attributed all to himself." From where did this come to him? From much love and from much pleasure." (St John Chrysostom Homily 82.3 on Matthew) - He didn't discern his thoughts and his speech - "Even if all are made to stumble because of You, I will never be made to stumble." (Matthew 26:33) - He didn't consider how these words would be with the disciples - "even if all of them stumble, I won't" - are you better than them? - He didn't discern the will of God - "Then Simon Peter, having a sword, drew it and struck the high priest's servant, and cut off his right ear." (John 18:10) - He didn't discern his ability and his weakness - "Even if I have to die with You, I will not deny You!" (Matthew 26:35) - He did not discern his own abilities and his weakness and his inability under pressure - So when he was in the courtyard of the High Priest, he denied the Lord three times ##### Discernment of Thoughts and Speech - "Beloved, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits, whether they are of God; because many false prophets have gone out into the world." (1 John 4:1) - Origin of a thought - From man: "The Lord knows the thoughts of man, That they *are* futile." - From God (Holy Spirit abiding in us): "But when they deliver you up, do not worry about how or what you should speak. For it will be given to you in that hour what you should speak; for it is not you who speak, but the Spirit of your Father who speaks in you." (Matthew 10:19-20) - From the devil: "And supper being ended, the devil having already put it into the heart of Judas Iscariot, Simon's son to betray Him." (John 13:2) and "But Peter said, 'Ananias, why has Satan filled your heart to lie to the Holy Spirit and keep back part of the price of the land for yourself?'" (Acts 5:3) - Discern the Origin of a thought - One challenge is that a thought from God can be immediately followed by a thought from Satan - Matthew 16: "You are Christ the Son of the Living God... flesh and blood has not revealed this to you, but my Father who is in heaven... far be it from You, Lord; this shall not happen to You!" ... "Get behind Me, Satan!" - How to Discern a thought - Question it - “bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ” (1 Cor 10:5) - Is it filled with the fear of God? - I have the urge to forgive someone... this is the Holy Spirit's work in us. God's voice. - Then, I get a thought "well, he needs to apologize first" - "how is it gonna look if I forgive him without an apology" - "I would enable him in not apologizing" - "Honestly, this will teach him a lesson and it will be better for him" - Thoughts from God **humble us**, point us to obedience, reverence, etc. - Is it filled with goodness towards every one? - Your colleague gets a better grade than you, or a better job than you. You're happy for him... and then a thought comes. "I deserve more than they do." - "They didn't even work as hard as me." - Thoughts from God encourage love, compassion, concern for others. If a thought stirs envy, resentment, harm, etc. it is not from God. - Does it agree with the actions of the Lord and the Apostles? - You see someone who is in need. I feel a desire to help him... but then a thought. "What if he's a drug addict? What if he's going to buy alcohol? I bet if I offer him food, he won't even take it. He just wants money. Honestly, in this economy, he should go and get a job." - Thoughts from God will NEVER contradict the Scripture or the teaching of the Church or the model of Christ - Does it evoke peace, tranquility? Or anger, bitterness or turmoil? - Gossip. I am tempted to gossip about a friend. To reveal their shortcomings or their struggle or even (God forbid) their past sin. Why? To get someone to laugh? To fill the time? To make them look bad? To make myself look good? - Does the thought come with a sense of urgency? - If you feel compelled to do it right away, say it right away, etc. then it is likely from the Tempter! - Stirrings of the Holy Spirit come gradually and gently, not impulsively - It might even be a pious thought - "starting today I will pray the whole Agpeya every day." - this sounds pious. But its path is to failure or worse, pride. - Reveal it to your Father of Confession - Story of Fr Athanasius Iskandar and the church building project - Again, the thought might even seem PIOUS! - Discerning Speech - "In the multitude of words sin is not lacking, But he who restrains his lips *is* wise." (Proverbs 10:19) - "So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath;" (James 1:19) - "The heart of the wise teaches his mouth, And adds learning to his lips." (Proverbs 16:23) - "Do not be rash with your mouth, And let not your heart utter anything hastily before God. For God *is* in heaven, and you on earth; Therefore let your words be few." (Ecclesiastes 5:2) ##### Discerning the Will of God - Why is it important to know the will of God? - Because it is good and acceptable and perfect. It lacks nothing. It will satisfy my spiritual, physical, psychological and emotional needs. - "And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what *is* that good and acceptable and perfect will of God." (Romans 12:2) - God knows what will be good for me in the long term - My own will is not perfect - I look for benefit in the short term without considering the long term - So a wise person seeks the will of God - How to Discern the Will of God - Renounce my self-will - Show God that I am really seeking His will - Sometimes I ask God to reveal His will but I've already made up my mind - Or I seek the will of God as long as it agrees with my will (I'll keep asking servants and priests until I get the answer I'm waiting for) - God will NOT reveal His will to me if I am acting this way - St Theophan the Recluse: If you have a glass full of vinegar and you want to put honey, you must first throw away the vinegar, wash the glass, put it out in the sun for the vinegar smell to go away, and then put honey in it. - Vinegar - my will - Honey - God's will - Neutralization of my self-will - Intentionally identify and magnify the negative aspects of the decision that I WANT to take - Go to my Father of Confession - Ask him to pray for you that God reveals His good and perfect and acceptable will to you - Reveal to him what is in your heart and the decisions in front of you - Ask him if he identified anything you didn't see or think of - **This is an act of humility** and a prerequisite for God to reveal His will to me - The Lord will reveal His will to me - **and it might match my will**! - Life is like two people sitting in a boat. One rows and one holds the rudder (to steer). The wise man rows and gives the rudder to God to steer his life. Many times we want to hold the rudder and for God to row. ##### Discerning My Abilities - What can I do physically and spiritually? What am I not able to do \[yet?\] physically or spiritually? Need to be honest about my strengths and my weaknesses and understand my limitations. - Without discerning my abilities I might: - Overconfidence: Taking more than I can handle - Discouragement: Avoid doing something good because I underestimate myself - Misguided zeal: Acting without God's guidance, exhausting myself, exhausting others - Video Game Analogy - You can't fight the boss until you've leveled up and gained experience - And if you find a hack that gets you lots of experience points, so that you can get to the boss right away... you haven't built up the skills yet to actually beat him. - Gym Analogy - If you go to the gym for the first time and load up on weights, you will injure yourself. Start small, with what you can handle, and increase slowly. - Boat Analogy - If I row too hard, I capsize. If I row too slow I won't be able to gain momentum. - How to Discern my abilities - Recognize my limits - Can I maintain this without pride, anger, despair? - Fasting too much too soon can lead to failure and eventually despair - An imbalanced spiritual canon too quickly will lead to the same - I am balancing schoolwork, church, service, a job. Don't overload yourself just to impress. Don't take on leadership positions if you can't commit to it. Don't join new clubs or events if you don't have time (or energy or mental capacity). - Prioritize Quality over Quantity - **Spiritual progress is not measured by how much we do but how well and how faithfully we do it** - Patience and endurance develop lasting virtues - "But the ones *that* fell on the good ground are those who, having heard the word with a noble and good heart, keep *it* and bear fruit with patience." (Luke 8:15) - What I gain quickly, I can lose quickly. What I gain with patience, will be harder for me to lose - Fasting: Instead of abstaining for longer and longer - maybe my FoC will tell me that I need to contemplate more on the Lord in my abstinence (or to wake up earlier). - There are plenty of starving people, made to unwillingly fast, that don’t have a deep relationship with the Holy Trinity; performing a godly external action will not help us in our relationship with the Holy Trinity if we do not also have a godly purpose in our soul as the root of the action. - Prayer: Instead of praying more and more hours or more and more psalms, maybe I need to be more mindful in my prayers - Doing one act of kindness with focus and with love is better than doing many acts of kindness haphazardly - Align my abilities with God's will - What is God calling me to do in this season of my life? - What is my motive? - Sometimes I'm taking easy classes just to get an A - and then I finish college and realize I barely learned anything. I'm ill equipped for the real world. I'm ill equipped for grad school. I'm even ill equipped for the applications and exams that will get me into grad school. Why? Why did I go for easy A classes? Why didn't I challenge myself? Why didn't I develop myself? - Learn from Failure - This week I tried to add xyz to my plate - it was too much. Next week I'll excuse myself. - Seek Guidance from your father of confession ##### Ask the Lord for Discernment - King Solomon asked for wisdom and discernment - "Therefore give to Your servant an understanding heart to judge Your people, that I may discern between good and evil. For who is able to judge this great people of Yours?” (1 Kings 3:9) - Conscious Purpose of Mind - Intention - Abba Anthony said, “Whoever hammers a lump of iron, first decides what he is going to make of it, a scythe, a sword, or an axe. Even so we ought to make up our minds what kind of virtue we want to forge or we labor in vain.” - “Do not think or do anything without having a purpose directed to God; the person who journeys without direction will have labored in vain” - Always always always seek the guidance of your father of confession # 2026-03-03: Means of Temptation (Arabic Youth Meeting) ##### Introduction - Why does Satan tempt us? - Envy - What does Satan tempt us with? - “So when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, that it was pleasant to the eyes, and a tree desirable to make one wise, she took of its fruit and ate.” (Genesis 3:6) - Temptation on the Mount (Matthew 4) - “For all that is in the world—the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life—is not of the Father but is of the world.” (1 John 2:16) - The Lust of the Eyes - The Lust of the Flesh - The Pride of Life - How does Satan tempt us? - From All Sides ##### 1. From Behind: Past Sins Satan may tempt us from behind by bringing up past sins - Nostalgia - "It wasn't that bad" - "Those were fun days" - "I miss that lifestyle" - "Then the whole congregation of the children of Israel complained against Moses and Aaron in the wilderness. And the children of Israel said to them, “Oh, that we had died by the hand of the Lord in the land of Egypt, when we sat by the pots of meat *and* when we ate bread to the full! For you have brought us out into this wilderness to kill this whole assembly with hunger.” (Exodus 16:2-3) - They remembered the food, but they didn't remember the slavery - I remember the days when I had that job that took me away from God and away from my family and away from righteousness, but I made more money... and I could buy whatever I wanted. - Re-Engaging - Lot's Wife (Genesis 19) - I might be tempted to re-engage the sin in other ways - e.g. someone leaves an inappropriate relationship, but he still checks her social media or looks at old photos or reads old messages - e.g. someone eaves a particular sin (lust, violence, drugs, etc.) but continues to watch movies/shows/videos/music that glorifies that sin - e.g. re-living a sin through stories... "remember when we used to..." - "back in the day, I would..." - e.g. someone struggled with alcohol, they quit, but still hang around environments that smell like alcohol, people are drinking alcohol, or even talking about it - e.g. imagination - Despairing - After sin, the devil switches tactics: - Before sin: "It's not a big deal" - After sin: "You're disgusting. God is done with you. God will not accept you." - Judas Iscariot - After sin: Despair and Suicide - St Peter - After sin: Repentance and Return - Identity Confusion - I am "the guy who messed up" - I am "the girl who ruined her salvation" - St Paul - Opposite of this - he had persecuted the Church. He could have lived in guilt forever... but he did not allow those past actions and sins to define him or his direction in life ##### 2. From the Front: Anxiety Satan may tempt us from the front - through worrying about the future, fear of what will come, etc. This is called Anxiety. Anxiety is a problem with PERCEPTION and NOT reality. - Social Media Anxiety - Everyone on my feed is happier, prettier, more confident, stronger, etc. than me - I'm comparing myself to filtered or edited or even AI images - I'm worried people are talking about me in a group chat - When I post something, I watch the likes/comments - Friendship - Why wasn't I invited to xyz? Outing, hangout, etc. - They're acting different - did I do something wrong? - What if I lose my friends? - Body Image or Appearance - What if I don't look good enough? - What if I'm judged for how I dress? - I HATE how I look in pictures - Academic - If I fail this class, my future is RUINED - Everyone expects me to be perfect - If I don't get into the right college or grad school, I'm a failure - Spiritual - What if God is disappointed in me? - I keep falling into the same sin - What if I never change - Social - Wanting to please EVERYBODY (impossible) - Paradoxical Anxiety - Anxiety about being anxious... All of these are temptations to loosen our faith. But the Lord answers anxiety in Matthew 6. ##### 3. From the Left: Obvious Sins Sometimes, Satan tempts us from the left side with the obvious sins. - Instant Gratification - "Turn these stones into bread" - Feed the appetite - Satisfy the urge - Take what you want now - Lust - Cheating - Substance Use - Explosive Anger - Gossip - Revenge - Dishonesty - Normalized Behavior - "Everyone is doing it" - "You're the only one not doing it" - "It's 2026!" - Targeting Weak Moments - Hungry - Lonely - Tired - Stressed - Insecure - Bored - False Understanding of Grace - "You can just confess about it tomorrow" - This lie assumes: I will have a tomorrow, I will still care tomorrow, my heart will be soft tomorrow, I will want to repent tomorrow - Pharaoh - "Entreat the Lord... and I will let the people go." - As soon as he is relieved and comfortable and the plague is gone, his heart is hard again ##### 4. From the Right: Good Deeds, Bad Motives If the left side is sin and evil, then the right side is good! Sometimes I am tempted to do good deeds, but with the wrong intention or motive. Or I justify my bad motives by good deeds. - Vainglory/Praise - “Take heed that you do not do your charitable deeds before men, to be seen by them. Otherwise you have no reward from your Father in heaven. Therefore, when you do a charitable deed, do not sound a trumpet before you as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets, that they may have glory from men. Assuredly, I say to you, they have their reward. But when you do a charitable deed, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, that your charitable deed may be in secret; and your Father who sees in secret will Himself reward you openly." (Matthew 6:1-4) - The Pharisees did this - Sometimes I do a good deed in order **to be seen by men** - For Position or Fame - In Acts 8, Simon was very well known for his sorcery and was known by all the people. But when the apostles came and preached Christ, all of the people were baptized and rejected sorcery and accepted Christ. Even Simon, himself, believed and was baptized. And he was amazed by the miracles. - Then, Simon desired the power of laying hands. He wanted to go back to having power and people knowing him and astonishing people - So he offered money to the apostles to give him that power also and they rebuked him - YouTube Influencers... - Clothing the homeless, only when there's a camera. - Helping someone in need, but only if the camera is running. - Donating to a charity, but only when it is publicly disclosed. - For Personal Benefit - King Saul is called in 1 Samuel 15 to destroy the Amalekites and all that they have, but he keeps King Agag alive and all of the best of the sheep and the goats. - And when Samuel comes to question him he says "We kept the best of the sheep and goats so that we could make a sacrifice to the Lord your God" - To Maintain my Image - Ananias and Sapphira ##### 5. From Below: Laziness Satan may tempt me by pulling me downward, like gravity making me heavier and harder to move... laziness. - Physical Laziness - Oversleeping - Gluttony - Not wanting to leave the house - Not wanting to do anything (e.g. on a day off) - Mental Laziness - I don't want to think deeply - "Just tell me what to do" - Scrolling/YouTube Shorts - ChatGPT/AI Overuse - Spiritual Laziness - Avoiding prayer because it feels like effort - Avoiding confession in order to be comfortable - Avoiding reconciliation because it's hard - Avoiding discipline because it requires sacrifice - "Wicked and lazy servant" in Matthew 25 who buried his talent - "Productive" Laziness - I avoid doing something... by doing something else (less important) - I feel productive and feel I've done something - Everyone is always "busy" but what are they busy doing? ##### 6. From Above: More Than I Can Handle Satan can also tempt me from above, pulling me up and raising me up with pride to take on more than I can handle - Ascetic Practices - Fasting beyond my ability - Prayer beyond my ability - Reading Scripture beyond my ability - **This will lead either to failure or feeding the ego** - Services - Is there such thing as too many services? YES! - If I take on too much, I will leave something incomplete, insufficient, or ignored - Knowledge - The Mysteries of the Holy Scripture and the Church and Theology - These are not simply academic endeavors, but they require a strong foundation and spiritual life - **Many "Biblical Scholars" have become Atheists because they did not have the right foundation** - Spiritual Independence - I can do it all by myself! I don't need God, I don't need the Church - Someone will try to overcome a sin by himself and say "I won't go to confession until I've overcome it" - NO! Going to Confession is PART of the process of overcoming! - Tower of Babel - Build a tower so next time there's a flood, we won't be affected - Make myself independent from God ##### 7. From Outside: The Senses I can be tempted by my senses from the world around me. - What I see/hear - What media do I consume - What kinds of places do I go to - What kind of music do I listen to - What kind of language is in the movies I watch or the videos I watch - What kind of images are in the movies or videos I watch - YouTube Shorts, Instagram Reels, TikTok, etc. - all of these are DANGEROUS - It's not just about profanity - What about the subject matter? - What about the ideas? ##### 8. From Within Sometimes, I am tempted from within. The devil is not within me - but I can be tempted by my human thoughts, desires, passions, dreams. Many times, these are also shaped by what I take in and what media I consume (#7) - Thoughts - Negative self-talk - Pride - Planning sin - Thoughts of revenge, envy, comparison - Desires/Passions - Lust - Greed - Ambition - King David and Bathsheba - Dreams - Culmination of what I've seen - Speech - What kind of language do I use - What kind of conversations do I engage in - etc. ##### # 2026-04-27: God in my Daily Life ##### Introduction "If then you were raised with Christ, seek those things which are above, where Christ is, sitting at the right hand of God. Set your mind on things above, not on things on the earth. For you died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God." (Colossians 3:1-3) What does it mean to "set your mind on things above?" - I was talking to someone who said "I wish I could just leave my job and pray all day" - that is NOT what "set your mind on things above" means. - St Antony, himself, who had gone into the desert and lived in a cave an ascetic life; who lived his life in prayer and fasting and scripture and meditation... got bored. And then the angel appeared to him wearing the monastic garbs and sat and weaved palms into baskets. Then the angel stood up to pray, and then returned to his work. And he kept repeating the process. Then, the angel said to him "Do this, and you will find rest for your soul." We are living in the world with many responsibilities... work and career, school and education, service, relationship, family. On top of that, I want to have some leisure, some relaxation, I need time for myself. How do I fit all of this in 24 hours? How do I fit God in with all of this? Even harder, how do I PRIORITIZE God in all of this? We will look at the day as three different times and three levels... - Time Set Apart for God - Time Offered to God - Time Received from God ##### 1 - Routine: Time Set Apart for God Sometimes I try to do the MINIMUM to calm my conscience... things I've heard in confession... "I pray throughout the day" - GREAT! But what does that mean? Usually it means I don't pray with the Agpeya, I don't pray in the morning, and I don't pray in the evening. But I want to calm my conscience. But if I am SERIOUS, the attitude will be different. - "The difference between us and the saints is seriousness." - HHPS - “What did you go out into the wilderness to see? A reed shaken by the wind? But what did you go out to see? A man clothed in soft garments? Indeed, those who wear soft clothing are in kings’ houses. But what did you go out to see? A prophet? Yes, I say to you, and more than a prophet." (Matthew 11:7-9) - SERIOUS - The reality is that there is certain time of day that needs to be SET APART for God. - David was a king - many responsibilities... but he said "Seven times every day I will praise Your holy name." - This is called a Spiritual Canon. Spiritual Rule. Spiritual Law. (vs. Spiritual Mood) - Structure that you follow in your spiritual life (prayer, Bible, prostration, fasting, etc.) - Structure/Discipline in life will extend to the rest of my life - 7am I will pray the 1st Hour - 5pm I will read the Scripture - 7pm I will pray the 12th Hour - The rest of the day fills itself around my spiritual canon - Imagine a trip to the monastery... 40 days Components of the Spiritual Canon 1. Accountability Partner 2. Diary 3. Daily 1. Morning Prayer 2. Evening Prayer 3. Prostrations 4. Scripture Reading 4. Weekly 5. Monthly ##### 2 - Faithfulness: God in my responsibilities 1. Work and Career - and not just the day-to-day but navigating a changing career landscape and being a little anxious about what's coming (e.g. AI, larger labor pool, less jobs) and trying to figure out how I will progress or get promoted or achieve my goals. 2. School and Education - things I still want to learn - specializations I want to enter - apprenticeships or fellowships or internships I want to participate in 3. Service - serving in the Church; serving my community; volunteering in any organization 4. Relationship - my wife, or my fiancee, or the person I am courting for marriage, my children 5. Family - my parents and my in-laws and my cousins and my siblings and their families How is success defined? - Lots of money? - Happy wife? Happy husband? Faithfulness - Being honest in my work - not taking someone else's work as my own; not using AI where it's not appropriate; not trying to do "just the minimum requirements" but going above and beyond; not cheating on my timecard; not cheating in my work from home - Being honest in my school - Being honest in my service - doing the best of my ability; not taking shortcuts; not trying to do the "minimum" - Being honest with my wife - giving her the time that she deserves; giving her the listening ear; giving her love and showing her love and loving her in front of others; not keeping secrets from her; doing my role as a husband to lead her in the spiritual life and being a man saying "let's read the Bible together" - "come and pray with me before we sleep" - "I'll pray for us before this meal." - Being honest with my husband - not being lazy; not criticizing him in everything he does; being thankful for him and showing him my gratitude; submitting to him - especially when he is leading me in the way of godliness. Imagine a husband who wakes his wife for church and she says no or "I'm gonna sleep a little longer." Respecting him. - Giving time to my parents; going and helping them when they need it ##### 3 - Rest: Sinless Leisure Time St Anthony story - Lawful? - Edifying? - Controlling? - Stumbling Block? Hobbies Social Time and Hangouts - Hookah bar? - Drinks at a restaurant? - Music and Dance concerts? - Sin... Vacation = vacation from God? From Church? Definitely not... - When I'm traveling, I search in advance for the nearest church and check their schedule - I'm going to a place that doesn't have a church? Then I'm going from Mon-Fri - not missing Vespers or Liturgy - When I travel on vacation, I wake up for my spiritual canon every day - Can you imagine that there are people who go to Egypt and don't attend a single liturgy, or don't visit a monastery? They are going to eat Shawarma and go to the beach and all that - Or go to Egypt and don't fast on Wed and Fri or go during the Apostles Fast and don't fast at all - Or go to a Cruise during the Great Fast... - I'm going to Egypt for 3 weeks but I serve a Sunday School Class - I'm checking on the kids while I'm gone - I'm offering to help remotely with an activity or with a homework or a phone call or a follow-up # 2026-08-06: New Stage in Life ##### Introduction Today, as we welcome our new youth to the Youth Meeting, and as we start a new year in Sunday School & Youth Ministry, we want to reflect on this stage of life... college. For those who are new, it's a good look ahead, and for those who are already in college or grad school, it's a good retrospective. How is this stage of life characterized? ##### Characteristics of the College & Grad Era 1. Discovery: Discovering your gifts, passions, calling 2. Transition: From dependence to adulthood 3. Preparation: Academic, Professional, Spiritual, Relational 4. Freedom: Make your own choices - you CHOOSE to come to the Youth Meeting 5. Formation: Establishing life-long habits, values, character 6. Flexibility: Fewer long-term commitments, flexible variant schedule 7. Learning: Learning about the things you like/enjoy/want to pursue, learning about life 8. Responsibility: Managing money, time, work, priorities 9. Health: Energy, health, ability 10. Decision: Decisions about career, decisions about moving, decisions about marriage ##### God in Everything Now you are in the world with many responsibilities... work and career, school and education, service, family, friendships, etc. On top of that, I want to have some leisure, some relaxation, I need time for myself. How do I fit all of this in 24 hours? How do I fit God in with all of this? Even harder, how do I PRIORITIZE God in all of this? "If then you were raised with Christ, seek those things which are above, where Christ is, sitting at the right hand of God. Set your mind on things above, not on things on the earth. For you died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God." (Colossians 3:1-3) What does it mean to "set your mind on things above?" - I was talking to someone who said "I wish I could just leave my job and pray all day" - that is NOT what "set your mind on things above" means. - St Antony, himself, who had gone into the desert and lived in a cave an ascetic life; who lived his life in prayer and fasting and scripture and meditation... got bored. And then the angel appeared to him wearing the monastic garbs and sat and weaved palms into baskets. Then the angel stood up to pray, and then returned to his work. And he kept repeating the process. Then, the angel said to him "Do this, and you will find rest for your soul." We will look at the day as three different times and three levels... - Time Set Apart for God - Routine - Time Offered to God - Responsibility - Time Received from God - Rest ##### 1 - Routine: Time Set Apart for God Sometimes I try to do the MINIMUM to calm my conscience... things I've heard in confession... "I pray throughout the day" - GREAT! But what does that mean? Usually it means I don't pray with the Agpeya, I don't pray in the morning, and I don't pray in the evening. But I want to calm my conscience. But if I am SERIOUS, the attitude will be different. - "The difference between us and the saints is seriousness." - HHPS - “What did you go out into the wilderness to see? A reed shaken by the wind? But what did you go out to see? A man clothed in soft garments? Indeed, those who wear soft clothing are in kings’ houses. But what did you go out to see? A prophet? Yes, I say to you, and more than a prophet." (Matthew 11:7-9) - SERIOUS - The reality is that there is certain time of day that needs to be SET APART for God. - David was a king - many responsibilities... but he said "Seven times every day I will praise Your holy name." - This is called a Spiritual Canon. Spiritual Rule. Spiritual Law. (vs. Spiritual Mood) - Structure that you follow in your spiritual life (prayer, Bible, prostration, fasting, etc.) - Structure/Discipline in life will extend to the rest of my life - 7am I will pray the 1st Hour - 5pm I will read the Scripture - 7pm I will pray the 12th Hour - The rest of the day fills itself around my spiritual canon Components of the Spiritual Canon 1. Accountability Partner 2. Diary 3. Daily 1. Morning Prayer 2. Evening Prayer 3. Prostrations 4. Scripture Reading 4. Weekly 5. Monthly ##### 2 - Faithfulness: God in my responsibilities 1. Work and Career - and not just the day-to-day but navigating a changing career landscape and being a little anxious about what's coming (e.g. AI, larger labor pool, less jobs) and trying to figure out how I will progress or get promoted or achieve my goals. 2. School and Education - things I still want to learn - specializations I want to enter - apprenticeships or fellowships or internships I want to participate in 3. Service - serving in the Church; serving my community; volunteering in any organization 4. Family - my parents and my in-laws and my cousins and my siblings and their families 5. Relationship - my wife, or my fiancee, or the person I am courting for marriage, my children How is success defined? - Lots of money? - Happy wife? Happy husband? Faithfulness - Being honest in my work - not taking someone else's work as my own; not using AI where it's not appropriate; not trying to do "just the minimum requirements" but going above and beyond; not cheating on my timecard; not cheating in my work from home - Being honest in my school - Being honest in my service - doing the best of my ability; not taking shortcuts; not trying to do the "minimum" - Being honest with my wife - giving her the time that she deserves; giving her the listening ear; giving her love and showing her love and loving her in front of others; not keeping secrets from her; doing my role as a husband to lead her in the spiritual life and being a man saying "let's read the Bible together" - "come and pray with me before we sleep" - "I'll pray for us before this meal." - Being honest with my husband - not being lazy; not criticizing him in everything he does; being thankful for him and showing him my gratitude; submitting to him - especially when he is leading me in the way of godliness. Imagine a husband who wakes his wife for church and she says no or "I'm gonna sleep a little longer." Respecting him. - Giving time to my parents; going and helping them when they need it ##### 3 - Rest: Sinless Leisure Time St Anthony story - Lawful? - Edifying? - Controlling? - Stumbling Block? Hobbies Social Time and Hangouts - Hookah bar? - Drinks at a restaurant? - Music and Dance concerts? - Sin... Vacation = vacation from God? From Church? Definitely not... - When I'm traveling, I search in advance for the nearest church and check their schedule - I'm going to a place that doesn't have a church? Then I'm going from Mon-Fri - not missing Vespers or Liturgy - When I travel on vacation, I wake up for my spiritual canon every day - Can you imagine that there are people who go to Egypt and don't attend a single liturgy, or don't visit a monastery? They are going to eat Shawarma and go to the beach and all that - Or go to Egypt and don't fast on Wed and Fri or go during the Apostles Fast and don't fast at all - Or go to a Cruise during the Great Fast... - I'm going to Egypt for 3 weeks but I serve a Sunday School Class - I'm checking on the kids while I'm gone - I'm offering to help remotely with an activity or with a homework or a phone call or a follow-up # 2026-05-07: Courting Q&A > Should family issues be considered red flags in a relationship? For example, if a guy has a lot of conflict or drama with his family, could that affect his relationship with the girl he’s interested in? Is that something she should be concerned about? - No one chooses their family background - we live in a broken world and no family is perfect. - There’s a difference between: - someone who comes from a difficult family but is humble, self-aware, peaceful, and trying to grow - someone who constantly lives in chaos, fuels conflict, refuses accountability, or brings that dysfunction into every relationship - At the same time, someone may come from a very healthy-looking family externally and still struggle deeply personally. - Warning signs or red flags: - Speaks about family with constant bitterness, dishonor, or hatred. - Patterns of uncontrolled anger, manipulation, dishonesty, or disrespect. - Unable to set healthy boundaries. - Family drama dominates their emotional life and spills into the relationship. - If they expect the future spouse to “rescue” them emotionally from unresolved wounds. - So the issue is not simply “Does he have family problems?” but: - Is he emotionally and spiritually mature? - Does he take responsibility for himself? - Is he pursuing healing and growth? - Does he know how to maintain peace while still honoring family? - A healthy relationship usually needs: honesty, boundaries, emotional stability, humility, and the ability to handle conflict in a godly way. > When one goes to court another person, is there a specific age difference between each person (same age, 1 year, 2 year difference, etc.) that is best or is this dependent on each couple? Is this a big deal when you are considering courting someone? - In general, it is advised that the man is older and that the age gap is not too large - Woman is a few years older than the man - generally not an issue - If there are no other issues involved, it is typically okay - If she is five years older, it typically requires permission from the bishop; even then, it is usually granted but the purpose is to make both people aware of the challenges that may be faced because of age. - Challenges: - Jealousy - Insecurity about aging, attractiveness, attention from others, differences in life experience - Inverted Roles - he's marrying his mom... she's gonna clean up after him and cook for him and take care of him - Inverted Submission - Maturity Level - Readiness to settle down... a young man may be in the "I want to travel" stage and a woman may be in the "I need to have kids ASAP" stage - He's in the "let's order takeout" stage and she's in the "let's have a home cooked meal at the dinner table" - Physical Activity - Imagine a woman with a strong personality who is more "financially successful" than her husband and who is also older than him... it makes it very difficult on that man and he may feel emasculated at every turn. Especially if she has a strong personality and he has a more quiet personality - Man significantly older than woman - Power imbalance, financial imbalance - Parent-child dynamic... I married my dad - Different life stages - Differences in energy or lifestyle - Jealousy or insecurity - Long-term realities... - Aging, caregiving, raising children, timing of retirement, health - What are the motives? - She may be looking at financial comfort - He may be looking at admiration > If a girl is not really interested in a boy but she thought of maybe giving him a chance and she started courting him… or vice-versa, is that considered ghosting? - That is not ghosting - Ghosting is when you are talking to someone and then all of a sudden, you stop responding, answering, etc. this is disrespectful (especially if unprompted) - The person you are talking to is A PERSON - It's okay to give someone a chance and to see if there is compatibility, to get to know him, etc. It is NOT okay to ghost someone without giving them notice... > If all sins are the same, me thinking a lustful thought is considered committing a sin so how does that differ from doing physical actions with someone (not sex) - "All sins are the same" is NOT accurate - All sins separate us from God - But sin differs in - Impact on others - Level of intention - Habit - Public vs. Private - Consequences - Scandal, Reputation - A lustful thought is a sin in the dark box of your mind and heart - it is like a small seed planted. It is good to uproot it in the sacrament of confession before it grows. - It impacts me, but it has not yet impacted someone else - It may be unwanted temptation - no intention behind it - It is private - There is no material-world consequence (e.g. getting arrested or jailtime) - There is no risk of scandal or damaging reputation - Physical expressions of lust are: - Impact me and the other person - No longer an "unwanted temptation" - but an action I am taking against my purity - Become habitual and addicting and difficult to refrain - also continues to be "not enough" and escalates - Has consequences in the material world - There's also a difference between: - STRUGGLE - Giving In (deliberately feeding the sinful thought with fantasy, physical affection, escalating behavior) > What are the most important qualities to look for in a future spouse? > What are some good qualities we should look for in men/ women we want to eventually marry? - Honesty, boundaries, emotional stability, humility, and the ability to handle conflict in a godly way - Close with his Church, Service, Father of Confession - Desire to serve others > What are early red flags people tend to ignore but shouldn’t? > What is your opinion on long distance courting? > > How do we know for real that this person is serious in her/his relationship with me? - Long distance can work but needs more discernment - Also needs more in-person time before marriage - Risks: Texting relationship - Text messages do not convey emotion - A 30min text message convo is a 3 minute in-person convo... don't measure texting as "time we spent together" - Red Flags: - Avoids meeting in person without a clear reason - Inconsistency - Secrecy or compartmentalized life - Strong words - weak actions - Especially in the age of AI > When should one start praying about this? How do you know that marriage is the calling God is giving you and not something else? - From now - This is a more general question about knowing the will of God in my life... - There is the general will of God which is my salvation - There is the personal will of God in my life - which job or which college, which spouse or monasticism, etc. > How to know if the person likes you - Consistency in effort - Make time for you (even with a busy schedule) - Engage you personally, not just generically (e.g. small talk) - They pay attention (e.g. to details - what you said before, what matters to you) - Body language (eye-contact) - They try to move things forward - From casual to more intentional - From vague to clear intentions - they include you in their world (gradually) - Talking to their FoC about you - Mentioning you to their parents or their close friends (at the right time) - Sharing certain parts of their life with you - BUT: - Don't overread the signals... don't look at any small kindness as "interest" - it may be basic human decensy - Don't ignore patterns (e.g. inconsistency) - Don't expect ALL of them all at once - Someone may not be good at eye-contact - Someone may have a bad memory - Someone may not know HOW to move things forward even if he wants to... > How long should one get to know another person before marriage? - The purpose of courting and engagement - Nowadays people think the purpose of engagement is to plan a wedding together... it's true that planning a wedding together is the first "big thing" you have to work on together, manage some family dynamics together, handle some finances together, make some hard decisions, etc. - Not to prepare for a wedding - to prepare for a marriage - Interdependence - Not dependence - Not independence - Interdependence - being able to function and interact and be successful TOGETHER - appreciating each other's contribution and recognizing your own self-worth - Need ample time to discern (honestly) someone's character, consistency, family dynamics, conflict resolution, spiritual life, emotional maturity - Need time to discern compatibility - In decision making - In school of thought (e.g. politics) - You need enough time to experience each other - Stressed - Dealing with disappointment - Dependableness - Be Sober - Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour." (1 Peter 5:8) - Sometimes attraction is MASKING incompatibility. I am attracted to her, so I see everything about her is perfect. Or if I see something lacking, "it's not a big deal" or "I can overcome it." > How can I prepare to be a good wife even before I meet someone? - Keep your purity - Grow yourself - Spiritual growth (Triangle) - Skill growth (e.g. cooking, cleaning, sewing, etc. - especially from your mom) - Intellectual growth - Physical growth (stay in shape, keep healthy) > How do you know if it’s appropriate to start a court? > > At what age should one start to court a potential spouse? - Confer with your Father of Confession - Everyone age is different - Based on maturity (financial, intellectual, career, emotional, spiritual) - Based on career (e.g. engineering vs. medical school + residency + fellowship) > What role do finances play in relationships? - Money is a stewardship and a tool - Money typically exasperates certain interior qualities - Someone who is generous, when he has a lot of money will be more generous; Someone who is stingy, when he has a lot of money, will still be stingy... maybe even more stingy - Money can show you if someone is disciplined or very impulsive - Money can reveal if someone is honest, or more hiding/deceiving - Money can reveal if someone is responsible or not - In the same way, money can exasperate relationship dynamics - It's important to be on the same page regarding: - Saving vs. Spending - How to make big financial decisions - Debt - acquiring debt, paying off debt, debt coming into the relationship - Financial planning, retirement, etc. - There is a RIGHT WAY to handle finances and there are WRONG WAYS - Shared Expectations matter more than income - Are the lifestyles aligned... - Someone may be very well-off, driving the nicest car, very expensive accessories, keeping certain comforts - Someone else may be very well-off but he prefers no-name brands, simplicity, driving a car to the ground, etc. - Someone may have no money... but likes the appearance of being well-off - Someone may be used to a certain lifestyle with their parents who have accumulated a comfortable life over many years and decades... getting married may mean a drop in income and a drop in lifestyle - Part of "getting ready for marriage" is financial readiness > What advice can you give about dealing with a heartbreak? > > How to deal with rejection? - Don't call it rejection - Rejection means "I was rejected" or "I am rejected" - In reality, it is the relationship that was rejected and that may have NOTHING to do with you - Say "it wasn't mutual" - "We weren't a match" - "It didn't work out" - "We aren't moving forward." - Rejection says nothing about your worth or your value - Rejection might be about timing - Rejection might be about compatibility - You will reject someone too - It doesn't mean you are unworthy of a relationship or of love or of marriage - Let it be Disappointing without over-interpreting - I take rejection to a conclusion and fill the gap with narratives... - "Something is wrong with me" - "I'll never find someone" - None of that happened - Don't chase closure - This is not a job interview... "What am I lacking? How can I improve?" - questions like that are best left for your Father of Confession - It's important that I don't play out huge fantasies and scenarios in my mind... - Someone might approach someone having already in their mind a huge romantic story - "I'm gonna say this cute joke" - "she's gonna laugh" - "I'm gonna ask her out for coffee" - "it's going to be wonderful" - "I reckon we can be engaged within six months" - "It would be perfect timing to attend the pre-marital retreat in January together" - "We could be married by February" - "I'll start looking for houses in Celebration" - sir, this is a Wendy's - When I have a fantasy in mind, and a huge scenario and marriage and children all played out... the rejection doesn't feel like a small "I'm not interested" but it feels like my marriage has been destroyed! - I am setting myself up for failure - Don't overcorrect - "I'm not good enough" - self-rejection - "I don't care about anyone" - hardness of heart (esp. after heartbreak) - Reflect, without obsessing - "Where can I grow" - not "How do I become perfect so this NEVER happens again?" # 2026-06-20: Lamentations Conclusion (AYM Microconvention) "Turn us back to You, O Lord, and we will be restored; Renew our days as of old," (Lamentations 5:21) ##### Lamentations on Good Friday - The 12th Hour of Good Friday is focused on the Paradoxes - The One who is the Resurrection and the Life... is buried in a tomb - The Light of the World... is now in Darkness - The Way, the Truth, the Life... Dead - The Judge of all... judged and condemned - The King of Glory... without a throne - The Paradox is reflected in the rites and tunes of the hour - Tune of ⲡⲉⲕⲑⲣⲟⲛⲟⲥ - Rites: - Switching to the red curtain - Group in the sanctuary chanting antiphonally with the ones in the nave - 400 ⲕⲩⲣⲓⲉ ⲉⲗⲉⲏⲥⲟⲛ, followed by a procession - The reading of Lamentations of Jeremiah - All of this is a reminder that the Cross and the Suffering of the Cross is not without the glory that comes after - "Searching what, or what manner of time, the Spirit of Christ who was in them was indicating when He testified beforehand the sufferings of Christ and the glories that would follow." (1 Peter 1:11) - The sufferings of Christ and the glories that would follow - There is no resurrection of the dead, without first having death - There is no Glorious Resurrection Feast without Good Friday and the Crucifixion - "If anyone serves Me, let him follow Me; and where I am, there My servant will be also. If anyone serves Me, him My Father will honor." (John 12:26) - Whoever follows the Lord Jesus Christ into suffering (The Cross), in the end "My Father will honor." - Sufferings - Struggle against Sin - Repentance - Fighting passions - Breaking bad habits - Obtain virtue - To be holy - Sufferings of Keeping the Commandment - Commandment of Love (enemy, difficult people, those who hurt us) - Christian heart is called to love always: love "despite" not love "because of" - "He who does not love his brother whom he has seen, how can he love God whom he has not seen?" (1 John 4:20) - Commandment of Modesty - Commandment of Purity (of the senses and of the flesh) - Commandment of Honesty and Integrity - Commandment of Obedience - Sufferings of Service - Washing the feet - Humility - Sacrificing time, comfort - Carrying responsibilities that no one sees (e.g. caring for aging parents, while trying to juggle my own life) - Intellectual Struggles - Questions about God - Doubts about the faith - "Why did God allow this" - "Where is God" - "Does God really love me?" - The whole book of Lamentations is the cry of a believer trying to understand catastrophe and refusing to let go of God - Relationship or Social Struggles - A friendship that falls apart - Conflict within the family - Difficult marriage or struggling to find the right person - Loneliness - Rejection - Feeling misunderstood - Betrayal - Losing someone you love - Difficulty in work, finding a job, financial pressure, etc. ##### Everything is Ruined - These are real struggles and real sufferings in our lives... and the devil wants me to think "Everything is ruined." Or "it's over." - A relationship that falls apart - Losing a job, or a set back in my career or education - A hidden sin that I told myself I will overcome, but I failed again - Failing to grow in a virtue - On Good Friday, everyone thought it was over... - The disciples - The chief priests - The Romans - They were wrong! - This reminds us of Jeremiah in the beginning of the Lamentations - Chapter 1 - How lonely sits the city *That was* full of people! *How* like a widow is she, Who *was* great among the nations! - Judah has gone into captivity, Under affliction and hard servitude; She dwells among the nations, She finds no rest; All her persecutors overtake her in dire straits. - All her gates are desolate; Her priests sigh, Her virgins are afflicted, And she *is* in bitterness. - Chapter 2 - Same thing - What is the greatest tragedy in Lamentations? Why is Jeremiah weeping? - Burned city? Destroyed Temple? Famine? Captivity? - God's people lost communion with God - The other stuff is the external manifestation (or symptom) of this underlying tragedy - The Temple can be rebuilt. The city can be rebuilt. The economy can recover. But if communion with God is lost, everything is lost. ##### 1. Change Your Perspective - Halfway through the book, Jeremiah changes his perspective. Nothing changed externally, the city is still destroyed, the people are still in exile - but Jeremiah changed his perspective - Stop looking at the ruins! - Jeremiah spent two chapters looking at the broken walls, the empty streets, the suffering, the captivity and then suddenly... - Chapter 3 - ²¹This I recall to my mind, Therefore I have hope. ²²*Through* the Lord’s mercies we are not consumed, Because His compassions fail not. ²³*They are* new every morning; Great *is* Your faithfulness. ²⁴“The Lord *is* my portion,” says my soul, “Therefore I hope in Him!” - Jeremiah throughout Lamentations, gradually stops describing the city and starts speaking about God - The turning point is not when the circumstances improve, but they are when my perspective changes - Instead of dwelling in my failure or my fear or my regret, I look instead at God's mercy. I look instead at how the Lord uses something evil or something hard, for good - Instead... - Count the blessings and the mercies - Look for God in the middle of the story - Gratitude... Give thanks to the Lord - Examples - If I am struggling with some questions or doubts... - My focus is on "My questions separate me from God" - "I cannot pray or go to liturgy until I have answers." - Instead... "My questions can become a path toward knowing God more deeply." - If I am struggling in relationships... - My focus is on "Look how this person treated me" or "I will never find anyone" or even "God forgot about me" - Instead... "What did I learn from this relationship?" or "God's timing is right. He wants the best for me and the best is not here yet." - If I am struggling with loneliness... - Sometimes my focus is on "No one cares about me..." and "See how this person treated me, and this one didn't invite me, etc." - sometimes I actually miss those who do care about me. And many times, I am isolating myself. L - Let me shift my perspective... "The Lord is my portion." - I will attend liturgy, go to the Youth Meeting, sign up for conventions. I will stay connected to the Church. I will focus on the even just one faithful friend that I have. - If I am struggling in my marriage... - Sometimes I focus on "He will never change." or "She will never change." - and actually I miss all of the good qualities in my spouse - Instead... Look for the things to appreciate, focus on my own repentance - If I am struggling physically... - "Why is this happening to me" - "How can I encounter God in the middle of this" ##### 2. Turn us back to You, O Lord - "Turn us back to You, O Lord, and we will be restored; Renew our days as of old," (Lamentations 5:21) - Lamentations ends with Jeremiah's prayer for God to restore us to Himself - He isn't praying for a better city - He isn't praying for more wealth - He isn't praying for the destruction of Babylon - He is praying for us to be restored in communion with God - He puts it in God's hands to turn us back... he doesn't say "We will turn back, O Lord." but rather - we NEED your grace. - How does God turn us back? - Sacrament of Confirmation: The Indwelling of the Holy Spirit - He rebukes us, convicts us, comforts us - Produces in us the Fruit of the Spirit (Love, Joy, Peace, etc.) - Sacrament of Repentance and Confession - "Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me." (Psalm 51:10) - Turning back, like the prodigal son - Examining myself - Continuous growth - Sacrament of the Eucharist - Abiding in Christ and He in me - Remember COVID? When we couldn't have communion and it was difficult time - In the Scripture - Hearing God's voice again - In Relationship with God - Pray the Psalms - In Fellowship with the Saints - Christian life is not meant to be lived alone ##### 3. And We will be Restored - What is restoration? - Someone might think restoration is... - Restored finances - Health back to normal - Restored relationships - Circumstances back to normal - Nope. - Jeremiah did not get those things... Jeremiah himself did not live to see the full restoration of Jerusalem... no one did. And even the ones who rebuilt it, it did not have the original glory! - Examples - A sinner is turned to repentance - A virtue is sown and grows - A broken heart finds peace - A lost sheep returns to his fold - Joy in service - Serving Christ rather than needing recognition - Doubt leads to greater faith and understanding - Reconciliation - Patience - Someone consumed by fear or anxiety, learns to trust - Enslaved to a passion, experiences freedom - The lonely one begins to feel the presence of Christ with him ##### Conclusion On Friday, everyone thought it was over. The disciples, the chief priests and the Romans thought that's it... He is dead. But God was not finished, because the sufferings of the Cross come before the glories of the Resurrection. And the Lamentations teaches the same mystery. Jeremiah saw the destruction of his city, after he had even prophesied about it. After he tried to stop it by bringing about repentance. After all of that... and the Temple is destroyed, the city is brought to the ground and the people are taken. And all he can do is Lament. He starts by looking at the city and its desolation, for 2.5 chapters. Then, halfway through the 3rd chapter, he changes his focus to be on God. And by the end of the 5th chapter, he is singing a song of hope and a song of renewal and restoration. "Turn us back to You, O Lord, and we will be restored; Renew our days as of old," (Lamentations 5:21) The problem was not the ruins and the city, the problem was the loss of communion with God. When I face: - struggling against sin - struggling to keep the commandment - struggling in service or in relationships The temptation is always the same "Everything is ruined." and "It's over." Take three steps: 1 - Change my perspective (stop looking at the ruins, lift my eyes to God) 2 - Allow the Lord to turn me back to Him (grace of the Sacraments, the Scripture, the Relationship with Him) 3 - Trust that He will restore, and experience His restoration and renewal # 2026-07-31: Delight in the Lord (Priest Family Convention - HS & College Youth) > "Delight yourself also in the Lord, And He shall give you the desires of your heart." (Psalm 37:4) In this Psalm, the word “Delight” is the Coptic word ⲟⲩⲛⲟϥ which means “Rejoice.” The word "Delight" reminds us of a specific hymn: ⲡⲓϩⲗⲟϫ > "Delight is the Church. Delight is the people assembled in it. Delight is the image of this martyr, Saint (...) the martyr of our Lord Jesus Christ." Here, the Coptic word ϩⲗⲟϫ means “Sweetness” and in Arabic حلو. #### Delight in the Church The Church, Herself, gives us many avenues for experiencing this sweetness and rejoicing. In the Sacraments, the Scripture, the Hymns of the Church, the Iconography of the Church, the Lives of the Saints, Church History, Patristics, Dogmatics, Apologetics, etc. For everyone, there is something. I know some youth really love hymns and because of hymns they are attached to the Church. Some youth really love iconography and because of iconography, they are attached to the Church. Some youth fall in love with the Lives of the Saints, or with learning Church History, or with reading the Fathers, or with studying Apologetics… there is something for everyone in the Church to find sweetness and delight in the Lord. ##### Delight in the Hymns of the Church St Augustine, a great saint in the Church had such an experience when he was visiting Milan and he heard them singing the hymns of the Church. Hearing the hymns gave him an emotional response, and he shed tears… but they also gave him a spiritual response. Truth was distilled into his heart – he learned something from the hymns. A feeling of piety welled up from it – he was driven to humility and repentance. > How many tears did I shed, as I was deeply stirred by the voices of Your Church sweetly swelling in the singing of Your hymns and canticles! Those voices flowed into my ears, and truth was distilled into my heart, and a feeling of piety welled up from it. The tears poured forth, and I was happy with them. > St Augustine - Confessions Book 9 Chapter 6 - Learn the hymns of the Church - Learn their meanings - Learn how to chant them - Learn and Pray with the Praises - Canticles and Theotokia ##### Delight in the Saints of the Church > "Delight is the Church. Delight is the people assembled in it. Delight is the image of this martyr, Saint (...) the martyr of our Lord Jesus Christ. > > Delight is your holy name, O chosen one of Christ, the strong and courageous and blessed one, O Saint (…).” The stories of the saints and martyrs of the Church give us a model, give us hope, and give us an intercessor. **Today is the Feast of St Marina** - St Marina was born to pagan parents, who entrusted her to a Christian nanny. - ”She narrated to her the biographies of the martyrs and what they receive from happiness in the eternal life. Marina longed to be martyred in the name of the Lord Christ.” - The governor saw her, admired her, and desired to marry her. But when finding out she was a Christian, he told her to worship the idols. She refused. So he tortured her: - Iron combs - Lime and Vinegar on the wounds - Imprisonment - Hinbazeen to squeeze her - Cauldron full of molten lead - The angel of the Lord consistently healed her wounds - “Many believed because of her and received crowns of martyrdom.” - Then she was beheaded and received the crown of martyrdom The stories of the martyrs BEFORE St Marina were the reason she desired to live a life of Christ. She delighted in the lives of the saints and martyrs. Now, when we read her story, we can delight in the Lord who NEVER forgot her and would send His angel always to heal her. We can delight in her bravery and ability to stand up for her faith and not deny her Christ. We can delight in the crown that she received. #### Delight in Serving Others ##### Acts of Mercy We also delight in serving others. When we go and visit the sick, sit with the elderly, serve the children of the Church, serve our community in nursing homes, homeless shelters, orphanages, etc. we see the Lord Jesus Christ, and we come back with that sweetness. > “for I was hungry and you gave Me food; I was thirsty and you gave Me drink; I was a stranger and you took Me in;I *was* naked and you clothed Me; I was sick and you visited Me; I was in prison and you came to Me.’“ (Matthew 25:35-36) St Pishoy is the perfect example of this. St Pishoy ministered to strangers - when a man came to his door, he sat him down and washed his feet and in this, he saw the Lord Jesus Christ. When an elderly monk was trying to climb the mountain, he carried him on his back, ministering to him - and in this, he saw the Lord Jesus Christ. And all of the other monks are even jealous of the sweetness that he experienced. > “For you, brethren, have been called to liberty; only do not *use* liberty as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another.” (Galatians 5:13) St Paul says - you have free will! You have freedom! But don’t use your freedom as an opportunity to serve yourself, but serve others. Sometimes we think that when I do “whatever I want” or even to satisfy my own desires, then that is sweetness, rejoicing, delight… no. The real sweetness and delight is using my freedom to serve others. E.g. I may have money - and I can use this money to buy myself exquisite meals, hundreds of dollars at a steakhouse, my favorite restaurants, big buffets, etc. and there are people in my community that can’t find more than one small meal per day. Although I am free and it is my money to use however I want, let me use my freedom to serve others. ##### Delight in my Family Here I am mentioning this point SECOND on purpose, although it actually comes FIRST. I cannot serve my community or serve outside unless I first serve in my own home and my own family. > “But you shall receive power when the Holy Spirit has come upon you; and you shall be witnesses to Me in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the end of the earth.” (Acts 1:8) The disciples were commanded to serve in Jerusalem FIRST - the inner circle, the family. Then in Judea and Samaria - the church and community. Then in the ends of the earth. And when I serve my family faithfully, I will taste the sweetness of the Lord. Delight in your family! God chose our family for us. It is important for me to serve my family - to help around the house, to offer my talents to my parents and my siblings, to be obedient to my parents. Any “One Another” commandment - love one another, pray for one another, bear with one another, be kind to one another. All of these apply to my family FIRST, before to others. And here we can take a special note to talk about being in the family of a priest. The Lord chose for you these parents, and chose for you to be the son or daughter of the priest… and this is for your salvation! This is a great blessing that you have: - Your dad is the one whose hands hold the Body and Blood of Christ. And while his hand is on the Body of Christ on a daily basis, he is praying for you by name. - Your dad has experience with the issues of many people your age before you and he can give you wise advice based on all of this experience - Your home is a place where sermons are listened to and prepared, where the Scripture is constantly open - Your house is where Abouna takes quiet time, and reads the Scripture and spiritual books - You have access to Abouna at the times when no one else in the congregation does! He dedicates specific time for you! - You can support your parents and this will serve the congregation and will be accounted to you! Delight in your family! Faithfully obey and submit to your parents! Support them in their ministry! #### Delight in My Spiritual Life ##### Delight in the Scripture > Blessed *is* the man Who walks not in the counsel of the ungodly, Nor stands in the path of sinners, Nor sits in the seat of the scornful; **But his delight *is* in the law of the Lord, ****And in His law he meditates day and night.**He shall be like a tree Planted by the rivers of water, That brings forth its fruit in its season, Whose leaf also shall not wither; And whatever he does shall prosper.” (Psalm 1:3) > The law of the Lord *is* perfect, converting the soul; The testimony of the Lord *is* sure, making wise the simple;The statutes of the Lord *are* right, rejoicing the heart; The commandment of the Lord *is* pure, enlightening the eyes; The fear of the Lord *is* clean, enduring forever; The judgments of the Lord *are* true *and* righteous altogether.More to be desired *are they* than gold, Yea, than much fine gold; **Sweeter also than honey and the honeycomb.** Moreover by them Your servant is warned, *And* in keeping them *there is* great reward.” (Psalm 19:7-11) > ^”Your words were found, and I ate them, And Your word was to me the joy and rejoicing of my heart; For I am called by Your name, O Lord God of hosts.” (Jeremiah 15:16) - Spend time with the Scripture - Meditate on the Scripture - It’s better to read one chapter with understanding than 20 chapters without - Instead of setting for yourself a chapter goal, set a time goal. And minimize the chapters you read in that time. - Read interpretation for verses you don’t know - Ask the six questions: - Is there a commandment? - Something I should start doing - Is there repentance? - Something I should stop doing - Is there a promise? - Something the Lord told me I will get - Is there a benefit? - Something I have already from the Lord - What does this passage tell me about God? - His attributes, His characteristics, His mercy, etc. - What character can I relate to? - Write a contemplation - Memorize a Verse ##### Delight in the Psalms Acts 16 - after Paul and Silas were jailed in Philippi: “But at midnight Paul and Silas were praying and singing hymns to God, and the prisoners were listening to them.” When the jailer woke up he despaired, and drew his sword to kill himself. But St Paul called him and said “Do yourself no harm, for we are all here.” > ^”Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom, teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord.” (Colossians 3:16) > “be filled with the Spirit,speaking to one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord” (Ephesians 5:18-20) In both of these verses, the Psalms and singing “make melody in my heart to the Lord” or “sing with grace in my heart to the Lord.” Delight in the Psalms! St Athanasius writes a letter called “The Letter to Marcellinus on the Psalms” where he goes through the psalms and categorizes them: > “The book of Psalms is like a garden containing things of all these kinds, and it sets them to music, but also exhibits things of its own that it gives in song along with them.” (Ch. 2) - The Psalms can be an aid to me to examine myself > “And it seems to me that these words become like a mirror to the person singing them, so that he might perceive himself and the emotions of his soul, and thus affected, he might recite them.” (Ch. 12) - The Psalms can give me words to express my own emotions and feelings - The Psalms reassure me that someone else (e.g. King David) has felt what I feel or gone through what I’m going through When I am said, there are psalms of rejoicing. When I am thankful, there are psalms of giving thanks. When I am persecuted, there are psalms of comfort. # Couples Meetings # 2026-06-17: The Little Church - Spiritual Life in Marriage ##### Introduction - The Spiritual Life is like climbing a mountain. - Imagine you are climbing a mountain alone. If you fall, you bear the consequences. If you get discouraged, you have to encourage yourself. If you lose your way, you must find the path again. - But if you are married, the story changes. Now you are two people tied by a rope, climbing the mountain. The rope can feel restrictive - I can't move at my own pace, I can't make every decision independently, I have to consider someone else. BUT the rope is for our salvation! If one slips, the other can catch him. If one is tired, the other can encourage him. If one loses sight of the summit, the other can remind him of the goal. - Actually, the rope and the other person, make reaching the top more attainable (and more enjoyable). - Now imagine that you are climbing the mountain, but you only take a step forward every Sunday morning. And maybe even during the week, you fall a couple of steps. Over time (not that much time, either), you realize you are not actually moving forward... one step forward, three steps back. Or imagine that one of the two people keeps trying to climb the mountain and the other one is refusing to move forward. - For many people, the Church is the only place that they hear the Scripture being read; the Church is the only time that they offer any prayer; the Church is the only time they sing a hymn. The Spiritual Life becomes confined to the Church and her activities. - What does St John Chrysostom say? After part of his homily where he is giving advice for marriage and family life, he says: “If we regulate our households in this way, we will also be fit to oversee the Church, for indeed the household is a little Church.” - The household is a Little Church. - The healthy Christian marriage will ask: "How can we bring the life of the Church into every day of our marriage?" ##### Little Church If our household is a little Church, then we can look at some characteristics of the Church and see how they apply in our household. 1. The Church is a House of Prayer 2. The Church is a House of Faith 3. The Church is a House of Peace and Forgiveness 4. The Church is a House of Service 5. The Church is a House of Shared Joy and Shared Sorrow ##### House of Prayer Don't let your home become the place where you sleep, eat and manage responsibilities. Let is be the house of God. Don't let God be a guest in your house, but let it be His house - a place where He is invited, recognized, spoken to, heard, and experienced. "My house shall be called a house of prayer." (Matthew 21:13) Cornelius the Centurion (Acts 10) - There was a certain man in Caesarea called Cornelius, a centurion of what was called the Italian Regiment, a devout *man* and one who feared God with all his household, who gave alms generously to the people, and prayed to God always. - Cornelius "prayed to God always" and his prayers were heard! St Peter came to him - the first Gentiles - and preached to them. And while he was speaking, the Holy Spirit came upon them and then, they were baptized. The Lord answered their prayers. This is a man whose whole household was saved! Why? Because he was a devout man, and one who feared God with all his household, and who gave alms and prayed to God always. This is not a lesson or topic on prayer, but suffice it to say that just as the Church is (in the words of the Lord Christ) a House of Prayer, so also my Little Church - my home - should be called a house of prayer. - Praying together - set a specific time based on your schedules - Praying for one another - don't ever let a prayer go by or a liturgy go by without mentioning your spouse in prayer - Have a prayer corner - put icons, light a candle, keep your Agpeya there, keep an esharb there. - Reading the Scripture together - even if each one has his own canon, or his own reading - Sharing reflections on the Scripture together after reading - (Abdelmalek Abdelmalek and his wife) - One of our congregants departed last year at a good old age. His wife had departed about 5 years prior. When they were going through his stuff, they found hundreds of handwritten notebooks with contemplations on the Holy Scripture. They found hundreds that had been written by two different hands, and then many that were newer, written by one of the hands. It was so clear that this man and his wife would read the Scripture together, contemplate on it, and keep a log together. And when his wife departed, he continued the practice and kept all of the notebooks. No one from their family knew about it until after they had both departed. - Teaching children to pray - If you have children, pray with them every evening and teach them what to say and how to say it. Read the Scripture with them. Help them to memorize some psalms or some prayer. Help them to learn hymns. This is the true bringing up of our children - not just handing them an iPad to get some alone time. You will benefit from this time just as much as they will. - And if you have children, but you are lacking in your prayer life or Scripture life, let your children become your motivation. Before you know it, they will be reminding you. - Make a deal with each other right now - if one of us says "let's go pray" the other one obeys. Make the commitment with each other now, so that when it comes up, it's not a question of whether or not I am in the mood. The Little Church becomes a house of prayer when prayer is no longer an event - it is the atmosphere and the norm. When you walk into the Church, you find people going to pray - even if there's no meeting or liturgical service. Because it is a house of prayer. ##### House of Faith "Believe in the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved - you and your household." (Acts 16:31) - Make prayerful decisions - Not panic, not self-reliance, not financial or social pressure, not urgency - Trust the Lord with my personal life, my marriage, my spouse, my children, my home, my education, my career, my finances, my friendships, etc. - God is working in difficult seasons - Obedience to the commandment, rather than reacting to emotions Abraham left the land of the Chaldeans, not knowing where he was going... just with faith. A funny example: Vacationing... - Vacation from what? From God? From the Church? From my Spiritual Canon? - The House of Faith will wake up for their spiritual canon while on vacation. - The House of Faith will fast on Wed and Fri during their vacation - The House of Faith will not choose to go on a cruise during a fasting period! - The House of Faith will not miss Sunday Liturgy while on vacation! - I have heard from people that they went to Egypt for a month and when you ask which churches or monasteries did you go to... "I didn't have time." - No, let my Little Church be a House of Faith, and a House that makes all decisions - major or minor - with prayer, and with God in mind. ##### House of Peace & Forgiveness There is nothing you can do that the Church will not offer you forgiveness for. That means in the form of the sacrament of repentance & confession - that you come to the Church in order to receive forgiveness. The Body and Blood of Christ are given for salvation, remission of sins and eternal life to those who partake of Him. The whole economy of salvation and the sacramental life is based on the fact that we are forgiven. So how about my Little Church? “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” (Ephesians 4:32) “Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts.” (Colossians 3:15) - Peace is not preserved by avoiding conflict - but by resolving conflict quickly in love. - Don't keep score - Don't hold a grudge - Accepting that there can be misunderstanding or miscommunication in marriage - Restraint instead of retaliation - Protect unity more than being right or "winning the argument." - Give the benefit of the doubt - Give many chances - even if he didn't take out the trash the last four times... maybe the fifth time is the charm. - Forgive - Some myths... - Forgiveness means I am condoning the bad behavior... no. - Forgiveness means I am giving up my right to be hurt... no. - Forgiveness is one chance only... no. - Forgiveness is for the other person... no. Remember when Joseph the Carpenter found out that St Mary was pregnant? "Then Joseph her husband, being a just man, and not wanting to make her a public example, was minded to put her away secretly." (Matthew 1:19) - See how he was a man of peace! He wasn't looking to have a conflict! He was looking to keep the peace. And here the Lord sent him an angel to tell him that this is all a misunderstanding... she did not do anything wrong, but rather this is the work of God. Recognizing the voice of God, he woke up and took to him his betrothed wife. Sometimes we close off our minds to the idea that there might be a misunderstanding, or that I might be wrong, or that maybe there's something I don't understand. Instead, I assume, I ascribe intention, I refuse dialogue, I reject any possibility that I might be wrong. But this is not peace! Peace requires humility. \----- Remember Abraham and Lot (Genesis 13) Abraham's servants and Lot's servants were fighting... so Abraham looked at Lot and said "Let there be no strife between you and me..." (Genesis 13:8-9). And he told him if you go left, I will go right. If you go right, I will go left. The whole land is in front of you. Abraham, for the sake of peace, was willing to compromise. Even though he is Abraham! He is the older one! He is the one with all the riches. He is the patriarch! But peace requires humility. ##### House of Service "Through love, serve one another." (Galatians 5:13) There's a story of a church in Upper Egypt that was located within a Christian cemetery. The city allowed them to move the graves and as they are moving the coffins, they come across two that are very heavy. Usually coffins of people who have been dead for a long time, their body has decayed and what is left is bones - so the coffins become light. But these two were heavy. So they called the priest and he opened the coffins and they found the bodies of the two were preserved - a man and his wife. They had been buried for 25 years, but their bodies look as if they were buried an hour ago. The priest wanted to know their story and he went around the whole village asking about them until he learned and pieced together their story. The wife was one day struck with paralysis in one side of her body and could no longer move around, or feed herself. So the husband started to serve her. He would carry her, feed her, take her out, etc. For 15 years he served her. And from everything he was doing, he got diabetes - and of course he's not taking care of himself, only caring for her... and he went blind. So he got so upset and went to pray and said "Lord, you know my wife is paralyzed, you know we don't have children to serve us. I was the one who was taking care of her! Now who will take care of us?? And not only that, how could you deprive me of the blessing of serving her??" And as he is saying these words, he feels his wife's hand on his shoulder, patting him! "You're up??" She said "I'm all better now... my legs and my arms and everything. Now it's my turn to serve you." And for 10 years, she served him faithfully. 25 years of serving each other and the Lord rewards them by preserving their bodies and then revealing their story Source: [https://www.facebook.com/reel/2087580212022559](https://www.facebook.com/reel/2087580212022559) What about in the regular daily life? - Meet each other's needs without being asked - "What would make her day easier right now?" - The house is the responsibility of BOTH - There is no mine or yours... not even "these are my dishes, those are your dishes..." - "My laundry, your laundry" - not even "Clean your room, I'll clean mine." - Not "my chores" and "your chores" but sharing in all things - Do the small things immediately - if it takes less than 2 min, just do it! - "Wash each other's feet" in daily life - The Lord gave us the perfect example of washing feet. Always remember that He washed the feet of Judas, knowing that Judas had betrayed Him and was planning to sell Him the same evening. - Sometimes "washing the feet" or "serving each other" has a condition and we say "well he didn't do this" or "well she isn't doing that." - Remember the Lord. - 80% and 20% Sidenote: Remember that the Church is not just inward facing, but She also extends Her arms out to others. And here I want to mention that if your Little Church is a House of Service, it will not just serve you and your family, but it will serve others as well. Story of Anba Abraam and the family who wanted another son. Anba Abraam told them "you will have a son this year - but see that extra room in your house? Make it into a room for the poor." ##### House of Shared Joy & Sorrow "Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep." (Romans 12:15) In the church, we have a baptism or a wedding and everyone comes wearing bright colors and everyone is excited and very happy and ready to share in the joy of the couple who is getting married, or the person who is being baptized. In the same church, maybe even on the same day, we have a funeral and everyone comes wearing less-bright colors and they are somber and ready to share in the sorrow of the family of the reposed. My Little Church should be the same. When my wife is sorrowful, there is no way that I will be joyful - but rather, I will share in her sorrow. And when my wife is celebrating, I should celebrate with her. Sometimes I depend more on my "feelings." And if my feelings don't match those of my spouse, I feel emotionally distant. But that is not the Christian marriage. That is not the Little Church! The Little Church is one where I share in joy and sorrow. The Lord Jesus, Himself, did this! When He went to the tomb of Lazarus, we read that Jesus saw Mary weeping and the Jews who came with her weeping, "He groaned in the spirit and was troubled." then "Jesus wept." Although He knows that Lazarus will rise... yet He shared in their sorrow. On the other hand, the Lord shared in the joy of the Wedding of Cana! So He did both. Also this shared joy and sorrow is not only with my spouse and children! But just like the Church extends her arms outward, so can my Little Church... when someone is sorrowful, I can invite him into my Little Church, comfort him, prepare a meal for him, etc. Or I can send something to him from my Little Church. In this way, my home is like the Church that shares in someone's sorrow. When someone is celebrating a success, I can invite him into my Little Church and celebrate his accomplishment. St John Chrysostom gives one warning to this, though: "If you are inclined to entertain and give dinner parties, there should be nothing immodest or excessive about them. And if you should find some poor, saintly man who just by stepping into your house would bring God's blessing upon you, invite him." (p. 62) This is important because as soon as I invite immodesty into my Little Church; as soon as I allow sin or drunkenness or revelries to enter my Little Church, it ceases to be a Church. ##### Other Examples - House of Thanksgiving - Give thanks to God for each other - Give thanks for what God has provided for you - instead of looking enviously at other homes, other cars, other money, etc. - Be thankful for your children, instead of comparing them with those outside your home - Expressing appreciation to each other - House of Sacrifice - Sacrifice for one another - House of Growth & Discipleship - Growth in virtue - Overcoming sin - House of Patience - Fr Bishoi Kamel story - waited in the jail for 8 hours. - House of Mercy - Be merciful to one another - House of Love - This is the umbrella that covers all other points - House of Holiness - When you are walking into St George church, there's a nice wooden sign on top of the church door that says what? - "Holiness adorns your house, O Lord, forever." (Psalm 93:5) ##### Conclusion When my house is a Little Church, then just as the Church has produced saints, so also my house will produce saints. And just as the Church is a light in the world, so also my house and all its members will be lights in the world. Just as the Church is the presence of God, so also my house will be the presence of God. The goal of marriage is not coexistence or happiness, but salvation. “The love of husband and wife is the force that welds society together. Men will take up arms and even sacrifice their lives for the sake of this love. Because when harmony prevails, the children are raised well, the household is kept in order, and neighbors, friends and relatives praise the result. Great benefits, both for families and states, are thus produced. When it is otherwise, however, everything is thrown into confusion and turned upside-down. Everything is in disarray.” # BRAVE Men # Virtuous Women Fellowship # 2025-11-16: Love God & Love Others (Virtuous Women Fellowship) ##### Parable of the 10 Virgins Matthew 25: - ¹¹“Afterward the other virgins came also, saying, ‘Lord, Lord, open to us!’ ¹²But he answered and said, ‘Assuredly, I say to you, I do not know you.’ - What does it mean to be known by God? - "But if anyone loves God, this one is known by Him." To Love God is the main goal of our Spiritual Life ##### Love God - St Basil says people follow God out of fear, obedience or love. I still need to fear and obey God, but need to love Him. - “Who can please God? Either we please Him fearing tortures and then we are in the state of a slave; or we fulfill the commandments of God in hope of reward, for our own benefit, and therefore we are like hirelings; or we do good for the sake of good itself, and then we are in the state of a son. For, when a son reaches mature age and reason, fulfills the will of his father not because he fears punishment, and not in order to receive a reward from him, but because he cherishes a special love for him and reveres him as his father, he loves him and is convinced that all the possessions of his father belong to him also. Such a one is able to hear (Gal. 4:7), *Thou art no longer a bondservant, but a son, and if a son, then an heir through God.* Surely he no longer fears God, as we have said, by that initial fear, but he loves Him, as also St. Anthony said, "I no longer fear God, but I love Him." - “But who are those who love Him? They are, so to speak, such as are like- minded with Him, and anxious to follow in His footsteps” - St Cyril (Commentary on Luke) - “If the clear proof of love for Him is keeping His commands or His word, the opposite surely also would be true. The proof of refusing to love Him is to pay no attention to His command and to thrust aside what He has ordered as if it came from those who habitually do evil.” - St Cyril (Commentary on John) - “So the person who chooses to live without love is not in God, instead lying outside of a relationship with God” - St Cyril (Commentary on the Twelve Prophets) ##### How to Love God - Purity of Heart - "For the sake of the principal goal, which is purity of heart or love" - St John Cassian (Conferences) - Repentance - St Ephraim “for she loved much” - With all your soul, mind. Strength - Emotion/faith + Actions (see HHPS 10 Concepts) - Discernment (St Peter) - St Peter Loved but without discernment. He didn’t know his limits. - St Antony quote - Love others - "Jesus said to him, “‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ ³⁸This is *the* first and great commandment. ³⁹And *the* second *is* like it: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’" (Matthew 22) - If I love the Lord with all my heart, then there won't be anything left in my heart to love others with.... because my love for others is THROUGH my love for God. - If someone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen, how can he love God whom he has not seen? ##### How to Love Others - ACTIVITY - Split into groups and each group take 1-3 of the characteristics of Love and share some examples of it in womanhood, marriage and motherhood - Share what the difficulty is - Share one thing we can do THIS WEEK to grow in love with this characteristic - 1 Cor 13 - Even moving mountains without love is nothing - Love suffers long (patient) and is kind - Someone who suffers long, for the sake of loving God, he endures insults against him or bad behavior against him. - So if I love my kids and my young child is having a meltdown - instead of yelling, I am patient. - If I love my husband and he is working on improving in certain areas for himself and for our marriage, then I have to be patient with his growth and give him time to grow - If I love my friend and she is venting to me and she keeps repeating the same thing over and over again and it's long, let me be patient and give her the chance to vent - Love is Kind - Bringing a meal to someone going through illness or stress. - Writing a note of encouragement to someone feeling discouraged. - Speaking gently even when correcting someone. - Smiling at a stranger who looks upset or lonely. - Love does not envy - He who loves will rejoice and be glad for the growth of others (spiritual, intellectual, physical, social, emotional) - Jonathan loved David to the point that he said to him "You shall be king over Israel, and I shall be next to you" (1 Samuel 23:17) - Celebrating another woman’s success — pregnancy, promotion, spiritual gift — without comparing. - Rejoicing when someone else is praised, even if you feel unnoticed. - Not feeling threatened when another servant is loved or talented. - Love does not Boast - Apologizing first, even if you believe you’re only partly wrong. - Being willing to learn from someone younger or less experienced. - Accepting advice without defensiveness. - Is Not Rude - Mean-spirited, insulting of others - Not interrupting during conversations. - Not speaking harshly or sarcastically to make a point. - Respecting boundaries and personal space. - Love does not seek its own - Doesn't act pushy - Giving someone else the preferred seat or last piece of food. - Supporting your spouse or friend even when it’s inconvenient. - Serving without expecting anything in return — not even a thank you. - Love is not provoked - Angered - Choosing not to take offense at small things. - Letting go of overreacting when children make mistakes or messes. - Love thinks no evil; - in other translations "Does not keep records of wrongs" - Doesn't keep score - Do I keep score of my husband or my kids? Or my friends? How many times they didn't wash the dishes, or clean their room, or put their shoes away, or didn't listen. What if they didn't listen 7 times or even 7x70 times, - Not bringing up past mistakes during arguments. - Forgiving without reminding someone of their failures. - Erasing the “list” of hurts rather than storing them in memory. - Love does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth - Does not rejoice when others fall into sin - Is joyful when righteousness prevails - Not enjoying gossip or bad news about someone you dislike. - Being happy when a person repents or changes instead of saying, “I told you so.” - Speaking truth lovingly even when it’s hard to say or hear. - Love bears all things - Handles the burdens of others - Defending someone’s reputation when others speak negatively. - Praying for your family’s spiritual and emotional safety. - Keeping confidences instead of sharing private matters. - Love believes all things - Giving someone the benefit of the doubt instead of assuming bad intention. - Believing in your children even when they struggle. - Trusts in God, no matter what - Love hopes all things - Keeps looking up, does not despair - Encouraging a friend who wants to give up. - Believing that God can restore a difficult marriage or rocky friendship or a troubled child. - Seeing potential in someone others have given up on. - Love endures all things - "puts up with everything" and doesn't wear out - Staying faithful in prayer for someone for years. - A mother who is waiting for her son to come back to the Lord, or to come back to her - she doesn’t reach a certain point and stop waiting. Or she says “I’ve waited long enough” - because she loves him. So she is patient. Even if she is suffering - she waits. She suffers long. Because she loves her son. - Continuing to serve even when tired or unappreciated. - Holding on through sickness, financial hardship, or spiritual dryness. - Love never fails - Will never be destroyed - Lasts forever - Discussion: - Which of these is the hardest one to practice - # 2026-08-23: Blessed are the Peacemakers (Virtuous Women Fellowship) [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RrFd-3-nrds](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RrFd-3-nrds) # Podcasts # 2024-07-19 Keepin It Apostolic #### Questions: Ethos **Can you share with us your background and journey into studying Church Rites? What initially drew you to this field of study?** My name is Morcous Wahba, I am first and foremost a Coptic Orthodox Christian. I am a husband and a father. I serve as a Subdeacon in my parish in Orlando, FL, and I'm a Software Engineer by trade. Of course, growing up in the Southern Diocese, we had the great model of HG Bishop Youssef; when he visited our churches and prayed tasbeha with us; when he encouraged the chanting of hymns during liturgy, etc; when he would release a press release about the rites of the church like "this Sunday we will be celebrating the 29th of the Coptic month instead of the fifth Sunday of the month." I remember when I was in elementary school or middle school, HG wanted the Aspasmos Adam and Aspasmos Watos to be learned and chanted in the churches in English. So he sent out a note to all the churches that for the first half of the year, every church should sing Rejoice O Mary every Sunday and for the second half of the year, every church should sing O Lord God of Hosts. And I remember the servants teaching us these two hymns and chanting them every Sunday until everyone learned them. I had great servants in my church, who encouraged us to learn hymns and who modeled for us the true spirit of hymnology. When I was in elementary or middle school is when websites like coptichymns.net and tasbeha.org started to appear - and they had recordings of hymns for all occasions. They had forums where people would discuss the rites of the Church. I remember when the Deacons Service book came out by Albair Mikhail - "Al Assess fe khedmet el shammas" and it had all the hymns in it and a bunch of Arabic text that I couldn't read. And then when the same servant, Albair, released the HCOC CDs (Heritage of the Coptic Orthodox Church) and they were high quality group recordings for all of the hymns. We would buy all these things and use them to learn. As with most youth, I had questions about the Church Rites... like why do we say ⲛⲓⲥⲁⲃⲉⲩ ⲧⲏⲣⲟⲩ (a hymn about the robe of Aaron) instead of Saved Amen when the Bishop is present? You start to look for answers, read books, watch videos, ask priests and bishops, etc. All of these things kind of cultivated in me the love of all things ritual. **What do you say to people who have the mindset of “who cares” about Church Rites?** I mean I think the answer is "God cares." The concept of ritual was not just invented by man, but it has been an expression of worship that is acceptable to God since the beginning. As early as Cain and Abel, we see that God distinguishes between what is acceptable and unacceptable offering. In Noah, we see him build an altar and offer clean animals after coming out of the ark. Same with Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. It was God who in Exodus specifically laid out how the Tabernacle should be constructed - what materials, how much of each material, how they are arranged, etc. It was God who in Leviticus ordained specific instructions for each of the burnt offerings, and ordained feasts, and the rituals for the day of atonement and the raising of incense day and night, and the showbread and the lighting of the candles and the vestments of the priests, and all of those things. It was God who gave the rites for anointing of priests and anointing of kings. It was actually the people who said "who cares" in the Old Testament who ended up being rebuked or punished by God. Nadab and Abihu the sons of Aaron, the sons of Eli, King Saul, Korah, Dathan and Abiram, etc. So I don't think the mindset of "who cares" is appropriate at all. But there are other negative attitudes when it comes to the Rites and Hymns of the Church. One that I hear pretty often is "Rites were made for man and not man for rites." It's a rewording of the verse from the Gospels that "the Sabbath was made for man and not man for the Sabbath, therefore the Son of Man also is Lord of the Sabbath." Like the Rites were made FOR you, to HELP you, to ENHANCE your relationship with God; you were not created to be a SLAVE to the rites. And the Lord Jesus said those words right after he said something similar - he quoted from Hosea saying "I desire mercy and not sacrifice." Both of those verses, when taken outside of their context, seem to say that Rites are not important to the Lord. But we have to distinguish between broadly applying those words, and applying them within their context. The Pharisees were very extreme. For example, when the Lord rebukes them, He tells them "Woe to you" for you tithe mint and rue and anise and pass by justice and love of God. He's telling them like you go and measure out 10% of your spices to offer as a tithe, but in your dealings with people, you are not just. You do not love God. You do not love your neighbor. You're just doing it for the sake of ritual. And so He rebukes them. But there's a very important phrase that He says in that same breath: "these you ought to have done without leaving the others undone." Do both! We do like the Pharisees sometimes: we do ritual at the expense of our brother. I can imagine a scenario where a deacon is holding the censer for Abouna, and another deacon rushes over and takes it from him to make sure it gets held the "the right way." Or a deacon says a hymn the wrong way, or makes a mistake, and someone else rushes over to correct him or make an example of him or something like that. Or the fights for the microphone that happen in some places. Or the arguments that happen over the "correct ritual" and the "only way to do it." In those cases, someone might be doing ritual, but without love of God or love of neighbor. Without mercy or justice. And it will not be acceptable to God. But when we do ritual in the correct way, it will be well-pleasing to God. **How do you see Church Rites evolving or adapting to contemporary cultural and societal changes?** I remember in his first few years as Pope, HH Pope Tawadros was discussing in Egypt the Litany of the Waters. And he's telling the people "we're praying for the Nile! Why should the believers in America pray for the Nile River? They should pray for the Mississippi River!" It was so funny, but it also showed very clearly that HH understood that there are pastoral needs in different places and at different times. HH Pope Shenouda III recommended to the Synod to add a word to the Litany of the Travelers: "Air" - those who are traveling by rivers, seas, roads, lakes \[air\]. This was a response to a societal change; the invention and widespread use of air travel. In the time of HH Pope Shenouda also, they added a small one-line litany to the Litanies that start with "Yea we ask You O Christ our God..." - "Success to the students, work for the needy." There was a need in society at that time, and it was added. There is a liturgical scholar by the name of Fr Robert J Taft (Catholic) who said "There is no ideal form of the liturgy from the past that must be imitated, liturgy has always changed." All this to show that the Church and the hierarchy of the Church is aware of the pastoral needs and is not opposed to modifying the liturgical text, or even the rituals for the sake of those pastoral needs. **Are there any challenges or opportunities you foresee in this regard?** I think technology is both the biggest opportunity, but also the biggest challenge. The history and historical development of our ritual is accessible to the general public now more than ever. Coptic Manuscripts that are scattered at museums around the world, are accessible at our fingertips. Large groups on Social Media are dedicated to discussion of ritual and some of the very knowledgeable academics frequently participate in those groups. People are starting to be more interested in ritual, and particularly in restoring rituals that we have lost or that we have lost their meaning. So it's an opportunity to restore to practice that which was lost. But that also comes with a word of caution. We have to recognize that the ritual - the same scholar mentioned before, Fr Robert Taft wrote "As a historian, my job is not to change the tradition, but to tell the truth about what happened. It is the job of the hierarchs to decide what to do about it." He does the job of the historian, figuring out what the facts were - but he leaves the job of reform or evolution or change to the hierarchs of the church. Sometimes, people in their zeal for returning to "the original" forget to account for the fact that there might be a reason it changed in the first place. Sometimes, those who are engulfed in the academia and the sources, are not quite as in tune with the pastoral needs of the flock. But unfortunately, even when that happens, we're met with challenges. When HE Metropolitan Youssef announced through the diocese the establishment of American Coptic Orthodox Churches, people in Egypt went wild. It spread across Social Media and with every share, a new more misleading comment was attached to it. His Eminence was just serving his flock in a way that made sense for them. And by God's grace, those churches have found much success in our diocese. When HE Metropolitan Serapion allowed some churches to celebrate Nativity Feast on Christmas morning Dec 25, if there was a pastoral need, people in Egypt went wild. Again, it spread across Social Media and misleading comments were everywhere. And vice versa - when a church in Upper Egypt has some diversity in their ritual and it gets posted on social media and shared everywhere, people - even here in the States - go on the offensive. You can't blame them for their zeal in remaining "unchanged" but it presents an obstacle for evolving Church Rites to address pastoral needs. So we can see how technology can be both an opportunity and a challenge. **How do you navigate the balance between preserving the traditions of Church Rites and responding to the needs of a changing community?** This is the definition of pastoral care. How do you minister to a group of people in a way that makes sense to them, without compromising the dogma and traditions of the Church? And to say it differently, how do you minister to the people in such a way that brings them closer to the dogma and traditions and spirituality of the Church, particularly the Eucharist. #### Questions: In-depth ##### Church Rites **Can you explain what Church Rites encompass and their significance within religious practice?** The significance of Ritual in our religious practice can't be understated. Any time you walk into a liturgical service, there is ritual being performed. Whether it's Abouna with the censer, or a procession of the deacons, or the way that someone enters or leaves the sanctuary, etc. It's a core part of our liturgical service. If you walked into a church and didn't see these components, you would not think it's a Coptic Church, or even an Orthodox Church. So what is ritual? The Divine Liturgy in general, and the Eucharist in particular, remove the boundaries of time. We are abiding in Christ and He in Us... but Christ is eternal. We commemorate the Passions, Crucifixion, Resurrection and Ascension of Christ - all events that actually happened in history - but we also commemorate the Second Coming which in the context of our time, hasn't happened yet. The Divine Liturgy also removes the boundaries of space. When we celebrate the Liturgy, we are celebrating with all of the other churches around the world in the past, present and future. We are partaking of Christ's One Body and Blood. Ritual refers to the tradition that was developed and refined over many centuries, that grounds us to liturgical time and place. It lets us - corporeal and temporal beings - participate with the Incorporeal and Eternal. When we observe ritual, we experience the heavenly. For example, when we sing the part of the liturgy called the Sanctus: "Holy, Holy, Holy Lord of Sabaoth; heaven and Earth are full of Your holy glory." The words of this hymn are from Isaiah 6 when Isaiah saw the Seraphim and describes them with their wings and how they call to one another: "Holy, holy, holy is the Lord of hosts" - we are not just repeating their phrases, but we are chanting WITH them. We are participating with them. And the Church gives us many different things that fall under the heading of "Ritual" and that contribute to this experience: we have raising incense, singing hymns, holding candles, vestments of the clergy, the readings, the fasts and feasts, processions, iconography, the shape of the church building and the baptismal font, etc. **What are some common examples of Church Rites that people might encounter in different denominations?** One thing that comes to mind (and ironically it's not from any sort of denomination, but from the secular world) is graduation ceremonies. Every year when I attend a graduation ceremony it's so funny to me - they are wearing specific robes and hats and based on what degree you have, your robe and hat are different. They walk in with a procession usually, and with specific music for that procession. At HS Graduations (at least in Florida), they bring the Student Government President to pass the torch to the next Student Government President. What's the point of all this? Could it be done without all this? During COVID, many graduations (HS and College) were cancelled. The people who were graduating that year felt like they missed a milestone. I read an article that said a university was cancelling their graduation ceremony this year due to protests on campus (about the war). And one of the people who commented said "My high school graduation was cancelled for COVID, and now this... it feels like my class is cursed." - These celebrations of achievement are "rites of passage" (note the wording there... rites of passage) and when they are skipped, someone may feel like he hasn't moved on. And there are many other examples within both secular society and across various faiths: Inauguration of a president, weddings, funerals, coronation of a king, etc. Rituals ground us to certain milestones of life and of society. They give a sense of meaning and help to establish a shared identity. **How have Church Rites evolved over time, and what factors influence their adaptation in modern contexts?** **What theological principles underpin various Church Rites, and how do these principles shape their practice?** Of course, everything that we know about God is through revelation. In the Orthodox Church, we don't say that dogma or theology is "developed" as other Churches might say, but that it is revealed. Revealed through the Scripture and through the Church - including through Councils and canons of the Church, through liturgy, through patristic writings, through art like iconography and the church hymns, and also through ritual. **How do Church Rites reflect and reinforce theological beliefs and doctrines within different religious traditions?** There are also many things in the rites of the Church - like in the liturgy when Abouna signs the congregation. During the beginning of the Anaphora, he does three signings. He signs the people with "The Lord be with you all" and then the sanctuary deacons with "Lift up your hearts" and then himself with "Let us give thanks to the Lord." And then the next signings are at "Agios" where he signs himself on the first one, the deacons on the second one and the people on the third one. It's inversed. And it expresses the equality of all of us - people, deacons and priest - in needing this Mystery, and in needing salvation and forgiveness of sin, and in needing to eat of the Eucharist. When we have a procession in the Church, we always go counterclockwise which reminds us that we are moving contrary to the world. But when we do the procession of Judas, we move clockwise because he moved with the world. Of course also the text of the liturgy, the psalmody and the hymns are integral to the expression of our theology and doctrine. An example from the Thursday Theotokia - "We have become worthy to have, the Tree of Life to eat from, which is the Body of God, and His True Blood" - See how this expresses for us the understanding that the Tree of Life which is mentioned in Genesis and in Revelation is the Eucharist. And even the wording of "Body of God" (ⲡⲥⲱⲙⲁ ⲙⲫⲛⲟⲩϯ) expresses that Christ is God and that His Humanity (including His Body) is united with His Divinity in One Nature. An example from Sunday Theotokia - we say "One Nature out of Two: A holy Divinity coessential with the Father and incorruptible. A holy Humanity begotten without seed coessential with us according to the Economy." In the 12th Century, we had a very important patriarch named Pope Gabriel II Ibn Turaik. In the History of the Patriarchs, you can read a story about his first few days as patriarch. It was the custom back then to go to the monastery of St Macarius after your consecration as patriarch. And when he went, and he was praying the liturgy, he came to the Confession at the end and said "I believe that this is the Body of our Lord God and Savior Jesus Christ, which He took from our Lady the Theotokos Saint Mary, He made it one with His Divinity" - and when the the monks of St Macarius heard those words "He made it one with His Divinity" they were like "it is not our custom to say those words." It's not what was passed down to them. They weren't against those words as a theological belief, but it was just not part of their received tradition. So they refused to accept it. But Pope Gabriel told them "this is how it was transmitted to me by the bishops on the day of my consecration as patriarch." So both of them were firm in their stance. They resolved it by adding to "He made it One with His Divinity without mingling, without confusion and without alteration." And until today that is what we use in the Church. ##### Church Rites and My Life **How can individuals incorporate Church Rites into their daily spiritual routines or personal lives? What benefits do people derive from actively participating in Church Rites?** There is a strong link between communal prayer and personal prayer. So for example, when you are praying by yourself in your room, you will still say "Our Father who art in heaven" and "We believe in one God" and even "Make US worthy to pray thankfully." Even if I am by myself, I remember that I am part of the Body of Christ and everyone else is included in my prayer. And when you are standing in communal liturgy, you find responses like "I believe" or for example in Pascha "My Lord Jesus Christ, My Good Savior, the Lord is My Strength and My praise..." On top of that, there is room for private prayer, you are still (in the words of Abouna in the Liturgy) lifting up your hearts to the Lord. On top of that, my participation in Liturgy will enhance my personal private prayers, and my personal private prayers will enhance my participation in Liturgy. Some people treat the Liturgy as a show that they watch... they come to the Liturgy, stand in their place and become silent observers. If we treat the Liturgy like a show, not only will we miss out on the actual experience and participation that we've been talking about, but we're more likely to just get completely distracted. The Liturgy is not a very entertaining show to watch! So if it starts to get boring, I start to divert my attention elsewhere and get distracted with my social media, or a game on my phone, or reading the news, or trying to "multi-task" during the Liturgy. But we are not meant to be watchers or observers of liturgy, but rather active participants. When you go to a show, the entertainer is facing you and he's trying to make you laugh or invoke an emotional response - but when you come to the liturgy, the priest is not facing you, but he's facing east WITH you, because he, LIKE you, is a participant. He, like you, needs repentance. He, like you, needs to eat of the Eucharist. He, like you, needs salvation. So I, like him, should participate in the Liturgy. What does participation look like? It takes several different forms, and the good news is that there are instructions given throughout the liturgy by the deacon, that tell us or remind us with what to do. So the first form is the participation of the body. - So the deacon will say "You who are seated, stand." Okay, so I'll stand up. But even that is participation with the heavenly because Abouna says right after it "Before Whom stand, the angels the archangels, the principalities, the authorities, the thrones, the dominions and the powers." - And then the deacon will say "Look towards the East." Okay, so I'll face the east. - Or when the deacon says "Bow your heads to the Lord" - Or when the deacon says "Worship God in fear and trembling" - All of those are examples of participation of our body in the liturgical worship. Second form is participation of the spirit. - When the deacon says "Pray for the peace of the one, Holy, Catholic and Apostolic Orthodox Church of God." He's telling you what to pray for, and what to remember in your prayers. Remember the peace within the Church at large, remember our brothers in the Eastern Orthodox Church and the Roman Catholic Church and pray for the success of the Ecumenical Dialogues. Remember those Christians that are Protestants, and pray that they come to the knowledge of the fullness of the truth. Remember the peace in your diocese and in your local parish. Actively participate in the prayers and like Abouna says in the beginning of the liturgy, "lift up your hearts" - When the deacon says "Pray for our Archpriest Pope Abba Tawadros and his partner Metropolitan Youssef and all our orthodox bishops" - pray for them. One by one. Name by name. Of course remembering also HG Bishop Basil and HG Bishop Gregory if you're in the SUS Diocese. Or all of the bishops of North America by name. Pray that the Lord give them long life to shepherd their flock, that He remove obstacles from before them, that He gives them rest because we know how much our fathers the bishops labor for us. Remember them in your prayers. - The same with all litanies and all prayers. Take the communal prayer and make it personal. Finally, participation with chanting the hymns and responses. Participate in every single ⲕⲩⲣⲓⲉ ⲉⲗⲉⲏⲥⲟⲛ (Lord have Mercy). HG Bishop Mettaous in one of his books about the Liturgy *he talks about how you can make each one different. And this responds to the people who say "oh Jesus said don't be like the heretics with vain repetitions." It's your job to make them not vain repetitions. Again, don't do ritual for the sake of ritual, but let the ritual guide your worship.* So now, after participating in the liturgy, when I go back to my home to stand for prayer, there is no longer the question of "I don't know what to say." In Liturgy when you followed the instructions of the deacon, you set a model for yourself of how to pray, what to pray for, and who to remember. Now when you go home, you won't find yourself lacking in words. Another thing - people think that praying at home is just with the Agpeya. And it is very important to pray the Psalms and the Hours. But you can also sing hymns. You can sing parts of the Tasbeha. You can sing the Morning Doxology in the morning and the Theotokia of the day in the evening. While you're driving, you can sing hymns and praises. All of these contribute to your prayer life - and when you do them outside of liturgy, they will also contribute to your experience inside liturgy. **In what ways do Church Rites foster a sense of community and belonging among believers?** If you think about a graduation ceremony, it's the one single time that the entire student body comes together as one. If you think about a wedding or funeral, these are the few times that all members of an extended family might come together as one (either to celebrate or to mourn). And if you think about the Church, when we observe specific rituals, is when we come together as one. Think about the Resurrection Feast and how it is the one night of the year that the entire body of believers makes a conscious effort to be there and the church is packed, as we all observe the ritual. Ritual brings us together. It is an expression of the Biblical Truth that we are all members of One Body and Christ is the head. Not only that, but when we come together, we are stronger. HG Bishop Basil on the evening of the consecration of St Mark Coptic Orthodox Church in Ft Myers, FL was giving the Vespers sermon and he said "how many of us can go home and stand all night in prayer and reading the Scripture? None of us. But when we come together for a 14 hour consecration overnight, we are supporting each other and able to pray together and stay without getting tired." And he is so right. **Have there been historical moments or movements that significantly impacted the practice and interpretation of Church Rites?** Liturgy is ever-evolving. Sometimes something may change based on pastoral needs of the people. Sometimes something may change based on trying to uphold the Tradition of the Church in the face of persecution. So when the government says "you can't build any more churches" but the number of faithful is increasing daily, they build more altars within the same church and pray more than one liturgy in a day. **Can you share examples of individuals or communities whose lives have been profoundly influenced by their engagement with Church Rites?** **How can Church leaders effectively guide and support congregants in integrating the spirit of Church Rites into their everyday lives?** Just like before, I think it all starts with the experience in liturgy. I'm very fortunate to serve in a parish with priests who support the teaching and chanting of hymns and consider it very highly as an integral part of the spiritual upbringing of our children. We teach and chant the Coptic Readings like Ⲡⲁⲩⲗⲟⲥ ⲫⲃⲱⲕ, ⲕⲁⲑⲟⲗⲓⲕⲟⲛ and ⲡⲣⲁⲝⲓⲥ on a regular basis. We teach and chant long hymns like ⲙⲉⲅⲁⲗⲟⲩ in the Great Fast or the great ⲕⲁⲧⲁ ⲛⲓⲭⲟⲣⲟⲥ on the Resurrection Feast. We teach and chant Coptic hymns as well as English hymns and we sing the Tasbeha not only in Arabic and English but also in Coptic. But to get to this point required a lot of time and requires a lot of trust between the father the priest and the servant who is coordinating the deacons and the servant who is coordinating Sunday School and Hymns Classes. It's important that everyone is on the same page, knowing that they're all pursuing the same goal. Deacon leaders should be wise in choosing what hymns they will say, based on guidance from the father the priest who is more in tune with the pastoral needs of the congregation. In a certain parish - especially if it's a large parish - it may not be the best pastoral care for a deacon to chant a long hymn by himself. Whereas in a smaller parish, it may be okay. The father the priest may look at the congregation and out of a pastoral duty, tell the deacons that today we need to focus on English hymns. So we have to be knowledgeable to do that, but also flexible. So I think the first point is that the deacons have to be on the same page as the father the priest, and follow his guidance and be flexible for the sake of the pastoral care of the congregation. Another point for deacon leaders is to be wise in their use of microphones. Sometimes a microphone is needed especially to start a hymn, maintain the pace, change the pitch, adjust the tune, etc. But sometimes it's good to draw back and let the deacons and the congregation sing together. Which leads to the third point - Education. It's so important in our churches to teach the Rites and Hymns to all ages - children, youth and adults; male and female. It's important to teach more difficult topics like Ritual Development to the servants, or pre-servants. It's important to integrate rituals and hymns in Sunday School lessons and sermons. And it's important that when we teach a hymn, we teach when it is chanted, and what is its meaning. And when we teach a ritual, we teach how it's done, but also why. #### Wrap-Up **Looking back at our conversation today, what key insights or messages about Church Rites do you hope listeners take away?** I hope listeners will take from this podcast that the Rites and Hymns of the Church are for YOU. They're not just for the priest and the deacons. They're not just for a select group of deacons who are good at hymns. They're for you. No matter how old you are, or if you're male or female. They are for YOU and they can enhance your relationship with the Lord. **For our listeners interested in incorporating Church Rites more meaningfully into their lives, what practical steps or advice would you recommend?** Especially if you are someone who struggles to pray at home, try to incorporate some components of the Liturgy or Tasbeha into your prayer at home. Whether it's parts of the Tasbeha to sing, or if it's remembering the Litanies that we pray. Participate in the Liturgy with your body and your tongue and your spirit, and then take that experience home with you. **Is there anything else you'd like to share or emphasize about Church Rites before we conclude today's podcast?** If you want to learn more about the Rites and Hymns of the Church, I encourage you to check out the Asaph Hymns Institute. It's a Hymns Institute in our diocese of the Southern United States. It has several programs to serve a wide range of experience levels. There's also an annual convention which is open to all to attend (even if you're not a student). You can find the website through the Diocese or at [www.sushymns.org](https://www.sushymns.org). The diocese also has a new convention that started last year called Liturgy and Life which is held in the St Mary and St Demiana Convent in Atlanta, GA in October. You can find more information through the Diocese website and social media. If you want to read from some of the modern Liturgical Scholars of the Coptic Orthodox Church, I recommend that you pick up any of the books published by Fr Arsenius Mikhail (formerly Ramez Mikhail). Also the folks at Theology Academy have been hard at work translating many of the books authored by Fr Athanasius el Makari which cover a very wide array of topics in the field of Rites and Hymns which are also very good for reference. **What is a legacy you want to leave?** *Let's drop the legacy question*