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Responsibility in Boundaries

Introduction

  • Everyone has boundaries
    • There are certain things you would not be okay with someone doing to you (e.g. hitting you) or saying to you
    • There are certain things you are not willing to do with someone
    • These are boundaries
  • We have to know how to:
    • Set Boundaries
    • Maintain Boundaries
    • Enforce Boundaries

Activity: Circle of Trust

  • Describe the concept of concentric circles
  • Fill out the Circles of Trust
  • We have to be able to differentiate between these groups and where every single person fits
  • Then we have to know which Boundaries to set
  • This decision is influenced by:
    • The Scripture (e.g. the Books of Wisdom, Proverbs, and Sirach)
    • Our Orthodox Faith
    • Lived experience
    • Guidance from parents, servants, priest
  • Within each of these circles of trust, there are even subcategories and different boundaries with different people
    • I cannot have the same boundaries with my male friends as with my female friends
    • I cannot have the same boundaries with my brother as with my sister

Boundaries with Friends

  • There is a difference between how I act, talk, etc. with my male friends than with my female friends

  • Boundaries in Touch
    • It is okay to play rough with your male friends
    • It is not okay to play rough with a female friend
    • It is okay to greet your male friend when you see him with a "pound hug" (dap + embrace)
    • A playful touch with a male friend is okay... with a female friend is not okay
    • It is not okay to greet your female friend with a hug
    • Your anatomy is different from her anatomy
    • There are parts of your body that are only available to the center circle - to yourself
    • The same goes for your friends' bodies

  • Boundaries in Speech and Messaging
    • It is not okay to talk about puberty or sex with a female friend
    • It is not okay to comment on a girl's looks or her body - positively or negatively
    • It is not okay to comment on a girl's clothing or makeup - positively or negatively
    • It is not okay to use sexual language or discuss sexual acts with anyone - male or female
    • It's not okay to "ship" people

  • Boundaries in Time
    • It is not okay to be one-on-one with a girl at any time
    • It is okay to go out with a group of your male and female friends (with parental approval)
    • It's not okay to text a girl one-on-one for long periods of time, or after certain times of day (e.g. 9pm)
    • It's not okay to have group chats without a specific purpose that contain both males and females

Setting, Maintaining, Enforcing Boundaries

  • Boundaries define us. They define what is me and what is not me. A boundary shows me where I end and someone else begins, leading me to a sense of ownership. Boundaries help us keep the good in and the bad out. Setting boundaries inevitably involves taking responsibility for your choices.

  • Remove yourself from situations that cross the line

  • Address Conflicts head-on with kindness
    • If someone tries to get you to cross a boundary, address it
    • Just say no
  • Reporting to an adult

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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