2026-06-28: 3rd Sunday of Paone - “By Your Words”

“For by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned.” (Matthew 12:37)

The words that we speak should not be taken lightly. By my words I will be justified and by my words I will be condemned...

• "Judge not, that you be not judged." (Matthew 7:1)
• "But whoever says, 'You fool!' shall be in danger of hell fire." (Matthew 5:22)
• "Not what goes into the mouth defiles a man; but what comes out of the mouth, this defiles a man." (Matthew 15:11)
• "If anyone does not stumble in word, he is a perfect man, able also to bridle the whole body." (James 3:2)

You see the great danger of my words? This is why many of the great saints and desert fathers preferred to live in silence.

This is why St Arsenius said: "I have often repented of having spoken, but never of having been silent."

Words of Condemnation

What are some of these Words of Condemnation:

• Filthy Language
• Lying
• Blasphemy
• Mockery
• Harsh or Angry words
• Bitterness
• Gossiping
• Envy
• Talk of pride or boasting
• Exaggeration
• Words of hypocrisy or deceit
• False witness and repudiating others
• Foolish disputes and prattle
• Talk that when it is poured into the ears of others, defiles their purity or their thoughts or their faith or their knowledge
• Talk that damages relationships or causes friction
  
• Talk that changes someone's mind about his friends
• Making excuses
  • An excuse is a reason I try to find to cover up my sin in order not to be blamed, or to justify my failure in doing something good
  • Fault that goes back to Adam and Eve... Adam blamed Eve for giving him the fruit and God for giving him Eve! Eve blamed the serpent who tempted her! But she didn't have to obey the serpent, and Adam didn't have to obey Eve! So they are unacceptable excuses!
  • I may try to find an excuse for not completing my spiritual disciplines... "I don't have time" - but in reality I have time for various entertainment
  • I may try to find an excuse for not offering my tithes to God... "I don't have enough" or "The Church has enough" - but in reality, the widow who gave two mites and the widow who gave the last of her flour and oil to Elijah... they gave out of their need and saw the blessing of the Lord.
  • How about King David? How many excuses could he have come up with to avoid fighting Goliath?
  • How about the right hand thief? How many excuses could he have come up with to avoid believing in Christ?
  • How about Daniel and the Three Youth? How many excuses could they have come up with to eat the king's food, or to avoid the fire or the lions' den?
  • Excuses are a result of laziness
    • "The lazy man says, 'There is a lion in the road! A fierce lion is in the streets!'" (Proverbs 26:13)
• Complaining or Grumbling
  • Many times you have someone who is a complainer... all of their talk is complaints. And they go into any situation trying to find the flaws. And sometimes it hides behind the veil of "giving feedback"
  • Complaining is very different from giving feedback
  • Complaining is emotionally-driven and comes from dissatisfaction
  • Feedback wants to arrive at a solution together
• Idle words
  • Useless Words - no benefit, no edification, nothing
  • Careless Words - lazy, thoughtless, unnecessary

"So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath." (James 1:19)

The one who is quick to talk and rushes into speaking is bound to err. And once we have said a word, we cannot get it back.

Words of Justification

There is such a thing as useful talk!

The saints used to travel from the farthest ends of the world, just to hear a "word of benefit" from the mouth of one of the fathers. 

• "It is not you who speak, but the Spirit of your Father who speaks in you." (Matthew 10:20)
• "O Lord, open my lips and my mouth shall show forth your praise." (Psalm 51:15)

Words of Justification:

• A word of blessing
• A word of comfort
• A word of encouragement
• A word of solution
• A word of guidance
• A word of teaching
• A word of rebuke if it is said with love

Gentleness

• A spiritual person never uses harsh words, but gentle ones because gentleness is one of the Fruit of the Holy Spirit
• The Lord Jesus when He talked to the Samaritan Woman
  • Although she is very sinful, the Lord says to her: "You have well said, 'I have no husband', for you have had five husbands and the one whom you now have is not your husband.'"
  • See His gentleness even in using the word husband... none of those five were technically a "husband" but He did not choose to use a harsh word.
• Instead of hurting people, try to win them
• St Paul, when he went to Athens, he saw the city is full of idols... how did he address them?
  • "Men of Athens, I perceive that in all things you are very religious..."

Timing

"Do not answer a fool according to his folly,
Lest you also be like him.
Answer a fool according to his folly,
Lest he be wise in his own eyes." (Proverbs 26:4-5)

See these two verses... they seem to be exact opposites of each other! Do not answer a fool according to his folly... answer a fool according to his folly. What does it mean? It means that sometimes I will answer, and sometimes I will not!

"To everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven: ... A time to keep silence, and a time to speak" (Ecclesiastes 3:1, 7)

Advices for Talking

Here I want to give some points for effective communication... advices for talking. These advices are for a husband talking to his wife, or a wife talking to her husband, or a parent talking to their teenager, or a teenager talking to their parent, or for two friends talking to each other, or for when you talk to Abouna...

1. I don't talk for the sake of talking (e.g. to hear myself speak), but I talk to achieve something
   
   
2. Talk when there is an ear ready to listen to you
   • My high schooler wakes up at 6am and goes to school and after school, he goes to an extracurricular, or he goes to work, and then maybe he comes to Sunday School in the evening because it's Friday... and as soon as he walks into the door, I start yelling at him because he left the light on this morning... or because his room is not clean. What kind of result am I expecting from this conversation?
   • On the other hand... my dad just came home from a long day at work. And as is usual, there was some stress at work and with the boss and things didn't really go his way, etc. And I go to him ready to deliver bad news... This is not the best time to approach with a difficult discussion! What kind of result am I expecting from that conversation?
   • Don't talk to someone exhausted or tired, physically or otherwise, someone who is under pressure, etc.
   • Don't talk to someone who is busy and has no time to listen to you, or does not have time to understand and discuss your point of view
   • Many youth say "my parents never see my point" and many parents say "my children don't listen to me" - most of the time it's because we are not choosing the right time to talk. We are trying to talk in the middle of a heated argument, after a long day at work or school, with emotions flying through the air.
   • Before you talk to someone, choose the right time - when they are feeling the best, when they are not preoccupied, when they are focused
     
     
3. Listening Ear... Don't interrupt
   • If you interrupt the one speaking to you without giving him a chance to talk, and you answer back before he is finished - so you are acting like an opponent. It makes the conversation into an argument instead of a discussion.
   • You will lose the ability to convince, no matter how logical your opinion
     
   • "So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath." (James 1:19)
     
     
4. Talk privately
   • Trying to talk in the middle of a big group, and have a discussion or a debate or an argument... if you win the argument in front of this big group, and you feel you have defeated! Then you will lose the person
   • Your goal is not to win arguments or debates, but to win someone to your side
     
   • Also after your private discussion... it was private. Keep it private. There is no reason to share the details or the result with anyone else
     
   • “Moreover if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother.“ (Matthew 18:15)
     
     
5. Respect the Person
   • Don't mock the ideas of another
   • Even if the ideas are weak or trivial or impractical or illogical... what result does mocking get? Respect the opinion of the one you are talking to.
     
   • “Let your speech always be with grace, seasoned with salt, that you may know how you ought to answer each one.” (Colossians 4:6)
     
     
6. Control Your Emotions
   • My high schoolers comes to me and says "I want to go hang out with my friends next week. Can you take me?" And immediately I get in a fit of rage and I start yelling and cursing and accusing: "You always go out with them" and "You never listen to me..." What kind of a result am I expecting? The result here is that my high schooler will not share with me or ask permission again. I will lose them.
   • There is someone who whenever a difficult conversation starts, they become emotional and resort to tears and yelling and being overcome by emotion... so this gives the message that I cannot be reasoned with or you cannot have a conversation with me!

Conclusion

"A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold In settings of silver. Like an earring of gold and an ornament of fine gold Is a wise rebuker to an obedient ear." (Proverbs 25:11-12)

I hope that we can apply some of these practices when we talk to our spouses, or to our children, or to our parents, or even our friends, or even when we talk with Abouna.

“For by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned.” (Matthew 12:37)